vintage audra saying funny things:

(we found this tonight with some papers from more than a year ago! it was like finding a time capsule of funny.)

on eating popcorn: "so, you just shouldn't do it. it's like eating a porcupine or something."

can we all just agree that it's a huge relief to find out that the visible dent in your knee is not, in fact, because you have broken a chunk out of

your kneecap?

don't get me wrong, i wish the little buddies would go back to normal...it's just that (potentially not even permanent!) damage to subcutaneous fatty tissue seems much less horrible than a chunk missing from the ol' patella.

can we all just agree that it's really difficult to use the space bar with my left thumb?

seriously, dudes, i've always spaced with the right. this is really tricky.

can we all just agree that living with a scientist can be kind of amazing?

so tonight i was talking to one of the housemates about my ongoing ankle situation, and he told me that he had a water bottle in the freezer (which i already knew about! and it amazed me! because, in addition to being a real water bottle [like hot water bottle style], it had stars all over it. yeah, sometimes it doesn't take much) and that i could use if i wanted to...and that since it is half water and half alcohol, it never freezes! but it does get really cold. and since it is water in a flexible container, it gives great coverage. massive ankle swelling, i will get the best of you yet!

totally amazing? yes!

can we all just agree that it is time for my ankle to get better?

i sprained it a month ago. i've been pretty nice to it since then. it keeps acting like it's getting way better...and then swelling up all gigantic! i already have misshapen knees. i'm not interested in another permanently angry joint. come on body, get with the program.

can we all just agree that children ask profound questions?

last night, while babysitting, i was talking to kid #1, who is four. he said to me, accusingly, "YOU DIDN'T RIDE YOUR BIKE."* i told him he was right, and that i might ride it next time, and then we had a little chat about bicycles. i learned that his mom doesn't ride hers, that his dad doesn't have one, and that he rarely rides his because, as he said,

"EVEN WITH MY HELMET ON, I STILL GET OWIES ON MY KNEES WHEN I RIDE MY BIKE. SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?"

and, you know? he had a good point. so i told him that sometimes we get owies on our knees when we ride bikes, and that it's okay. then he looked at me like i was crazy and asked for some pizza.

*THIS IS HOW HE TALKS. HE IS FOUR.

can we all just agree that splinters are a total bummer?

i got one yesterday, from weeding. yes, weeding. (not just for calluses anymore, apparently.) at first i was convinced that it was at least half an inch long, but i have since revised my estimate to the slightly less dramatic 4/10ths of an inch. or 2/5ths, if you really like reducing fractions.

it's pretty thick. i got some of it out last night (1/10th of an inch of it or so) but most of it is still in my thumb.

i wanted very much to take a picture, in order to add it to the gross*, injuries sections, but my camera is apparently unable to focus on something that close, so you'll just have to use your imaginations. i trust you.

today, the part that remains is kind of infected. not hugely so, but kind of white and raised. the splinter piece moves back and forth, too, but i can't get it out. i'm trying to decide if i should continue to wait it out, which was what we always did when i was a kid (we got tons of splinters), or if it is time to put a needle in some rubbing alcohol and perform some self-surgery. it's getting pretty distracting.

*i'm not sure how gross it really is...audra was pretty unconcerned, but both of the housemates were totally disgusted.

update: when i soaked it in hot water, the pus that i squeezed out had the consistency of snot! that is gross!

update #2: i sterilized a safety pin, and poked around a little bit until i could get it out. it was also a little bit gross.

but, falling squarely in the AWESOME department is the fact that the splinter had started to get slimmer and lighter in color already...oh yeah, my body was ready to break that thing down, if necessary, and assimilate it! we are the sarah. we will assimilate you.

can we all just agree that pulling muscles by coughing is a bummer?

dude, my side hurts so bad. at least i didn't break a rib.

can we all just agree that the original shape of one's knee is a reasonable, if sentimental, thing to miss?

seriously dudes, it's been more than a month since the crash, and little knee friends, especially right knee, are just not the same. i have to give extra style points to right knee for managing to locate my dramatic deep purple scar directly on top of a scar that i've had since i was eight or so—that was impressive.

all the same, i miss how they used to look (from an architectural perspective; i'm totally unconcerned about scars) and i have started to wonder if they're ever going to go back to how they were.

can we all just agree that the return of self-indulgent bruise blogging is long overdue?

with special thanks to bruise photographer and nerve damage speculation expert brother bear. who should come back and visit as soon as possible. (seriously dude, it was fantastic.) also, in case you were curious, they're getting darker and darker by the day. and the swelling's going down too.

update: it should be noted that this is TEN WHOLE DAYS after the crash!

can we all just agree that bicycle crashes aren't very cool?

i totally wiped out tonight turning left through a major intersection. i was wearing a helmet, gloves, and my brand new kneewarmers, and i was really glad about all of those. i skinned my hand, bloodied my knees, banged my chin (i'm going to have the kind of facial bruising that makes strangers wonder if i am a victim of relationship violence), and hit my head real good. my bike is fine, but it and i both flew a bit. but i was with a good friend, and then another good friend came to get us in his station wagon and then fed us dinner. but it was still kind of lame.

when i took off my kneewarmers (which somehow miraculously didn't tear even though my knees did), there was a bunch of skin stuck to one of them! gross!

can we all just agree that it kind of sucks to have your right index finger bitten by a bunny?

disapproving rabbits, i turn your disapproving gaze back around toward you.

can we all just agree that self-indulgent bruise blogging is quite enjoyable?

note the e.t. finger for scale.
(thanks for the tech help, paws!)

can we all just agree that outdoor roller skating is rad?

even if you do fall down after 30 minutes of successful skating and skin your hand and knee. (at least the yellow tights didn't get a hole in them! thank goodness for that.)

can we all just agree that 18.5 inches is a pretty amazing perimeter measurement for a black and purple bruise?

ouch, bike crashes.

can we all just agree that it's nice when your sweet little eye makes a valiant recovery from an accidental chemical spill?

one tiny drop of diluted shower gel can produce dramatic reactions, apparently. i think left eye is gonna be okay, but it was all halloween-looking for the entire morning. it's a good thing i have glasses, or i would have had to lie in bed reading with the book just a few inches from my nose. instead, i did all kinds of things in the garden, rearranged my kitchen cupboard, and now i'm tackling laundry. so much laundry. left eye and i will emerge victorious! mark my words.

can we all just agree that it's fun when people get to your bloguito by typing search terms that are confusingly poetic?

or perhaps poetically confusing...either way, i enjoyed seeing that "feet barefoot "my feet" "play frisbee"" gets you 233 results, of which c.w.a.j.a.? is number 9.

for the record, i like all of those things (feet barefoot, my feet, and play[ing] frisbee [even though playing frisbee can be dangerous; i have a new lump a few inches below the old one {which still hasn't gone away!} from playing last weekend. i'm hoping to play this weekend too, and maybe i'll get hit between the two existing lumps so that the lower half of my left shin will stop being lumpy and just be larger than before. i'll keep you posted.])

can we all just agree that it's kind of disconcerting when you're talking to your mom and she casually mentions that she thinks she broke her rib the

other day?

can we all just agree that frisbee is super fun, even if minor injuries result?

i thought so! hooray!

can we all just agree that it's no fun at all when your ear stops working?

in the little buddy's defense, i bet it wants to keep working...there's just, um, blockage there that prevents it from being able to do so. much like the eye problems that are really the fault of a rogue eyelash, the only-having-half-my-hearing thing is really starting to cramp my style.