can we all just agree that being sick makes me say amusingly folksy things?

because in the last thirty-six hours, i've said each of the following things, at least once, but in some cases more than once:

1. "sure as shootin'"
2. "for pity's sake"
3. "oh for the love of pete!"
4. "you hit the nail on the head"
5. "that's right on the money"
6. "[fill in name here] has a bee in her bonnet"

can we all just agree that, although were are at least seventeen things about today that were kind of crummy, the following things from today are good

phone conversations with four of my most favorite people ever (in one day!), a friend meeting kids i love, somebody very special in the veryrecent past and also in the not-so-distant future!, impending fridays, doritos (darn it they're good), encouraging email, funny requests (two inch white heels? i've got 'em in piles! right.), laughing cow cheese and spicy flaxseed chips, bagels with cream cheese, going to bed

can we all just agree that 12+ hours is too many when the day also includes the following*+

1. the kind of presentation that involved people reading powerpoint slides to you when you already have a copy of the slides in front of you in a darkened room early in the morning
2. weird passive-aggressive pressure intended to spur public personal disclosures in a work environment
3. a gross cold, first grade style
4. a crazy "therapist"
5. 22 kids and a guest speaker, but not necessarily enough paper for a writing assignment
6. 14 kids afterward for a few hours, alone
7. presentations that had to be a product of the department of redundancy department
8. um, challenging families
9. school picture-style photo sittings, with an audience
10. not one but two trips to the pharmacy
11. a scratchy scratchy voice
12. disdainful treatment after declining to receive special offers and notifications via email (haven't they heard? i only accept spammy crap under certain circumstances)
13. bad drivers
14. sick kids who are also really sad about it
15. being late. twice.
16. time slowing down so that i couldn't go home, but now speeding up so that i've been home for hours and i still haven't accomplished any of the things i intended (#1 on the list being going to bed, for pete's sake)
17. the cold

*this list is not necessarily exclusive
+or chronologically ordered

can we all just agree that kids still say awesome things?

yes yes, this (and the links contained within)

but also today, when we were talking about careers, and the following exchange took place:

grownup: so, can anyone think of a career they might like to have? a job you would want when you're a grownup?

kid: a doctor.

grownup: great! you would be an excellent doctor. how about you?

other kid: a princess.

can we all just agree that there's nothing quite like an ice cream sandwich?

especially if it contains high-quality ice cream, and if it's cold enough outside to eat it slowly without it melting all over? hooray.

can we all just agree that voice-activated automated telephone systems suck?

i dislike pretty much everything about them.* the contrived "real"-sounding speech patterns, sometimes complete with faux stutters ("h-hang on. i'm looking that up." "ah, okay." "now, what is it you'd like to do?"), the fact that it often can't understand me (seriously, i don't really have much of an accent), and especially the way that i'm repeatedly asked, "are you there? i can't hear you. could you repeat that?" until i'm holding my phone directly to my mouth and SHOUTING MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND CREDIT CARD NUMBER, AUTHORIZATION CODE, AND EXPIRATION DATE AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. ahem.

*the only thing i like is that if you've called that number before, you can sometimes remember what prompt to say in order to talk to a real live human. but sometimes if you say it too soon, it bounces you back to the beginning of the message. curses!

can we all just agree that "drowned", by the band halloween, alaska is about the best song ever if your goal is to love every moment of every day?

which mine seems to be, more and more these days.

can we all just agree that "spoony" is an awesome word?

it means "enamored in a silly or sentimental way," and it's my current favorite word.

can we all just agree that hanging out with kids provides some amusing ego checks?

like the other day, when i was out at recess being the yard duty for the playground (i have to put people on the bench sometimes. sometimes they cry. it's tough, but that's the way the cookie crumbles...it's just not safe to climb up the slide, you know?) and all of the sudden, out of the blue, five or six kids are dashing toward me, and then they all collide with me and each other and everyone wraps their skinny little arms around my waist (they are pretty darn short), and then they look up at me and giggle.

and i think, "wow! they're awesome! how did they know that today is a day when i could really use some seven year old hugs?"

and then i realized, "ah. they're playing tag, and i'm base. nevermind."

can we all just agree that mayonaise is disgusting?

i've had a long love/hate relationship with mayonaise, and for the last couple of years i've been eating the amusingly named nayonaise (like mayo, but less gross because there's no actual egg involved), but tonight i was at the chain grocery store near my house, which does not carry fake mayonaise, and i was contemplating the mayonaise section, trying to decide whether i thought mayonaise is too gross to buy, even though i usually like it within the greater context of a sandwich, and then i saw, among the salad spreads and light mayonaise and flavored mayonaise and mayonaise in squeezeable packages...mayonaise in a container which was the same size and shape and even color of a giant tub of vaseline. UGH.

then i had to leave the aisle.

can we all just agree, reluctantly if necessary, that sudoku is a really addictive game?

because my cranky refusal to try the game just didn't seem like the right response a few weeks ago, when someone who was trying to make me feel better offered me the puzzle from the newspaper...so i did it once. and then again.

and then last weekend, several more times.

and i just now got my best time ever.

and now i want to try to beat it.

sigh.

update: i totally beat it! i came close to halving it, which either means that i'm really getting good, or that i was really awful to begin with, and i'm approaching mediocrity. either way, i'm pretty happy.

update #2: i just ranked in the top 8% for my time on that puzzle. woo!

update #3: now i'm in the top 3%. sheesh.

update #4: top 2%! i'm unilaterally awarding myself the "biggest nerd of today" award, which is kind of reckless when you consider that it's not even 1:00 pm yet.

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things?

because they say things like this, and this, and because today, a second grader with whom i was playing catch started laughing hysterically (and holding her belly while doing so) and she said, "SARAH! YOU RUN LIKE A HORSE!"

the end.

can we all just agree that there is at least one other bright side to spam, at least for gmail users?

(yes, yes, we've already begun to discuss this)

because, yes, spam is obnoxious. but in a gmail spam folder, in addition to the ever-compelling offers for looong.er t_ools and ciialiss, one can enjoy the text-based ad, which is always a link to a recipe using the actual "food" product spam. like the ginger spam salad (serves 1 [i wonder why?], refrigerate overnight), or spam fajitas (serves 8, add extra salsa if desired), or french fry spam casserole (bake 30-40 minutes), or savory spam crescents (bake 12-15 minutes or until golden brown)...and one can reload over and over for new spammy delights.

can we further agree that talking or even thinking about spam very much has two distinct effects on most normal people:
a) one gets a bit of a tummyache
b) one begins to think of the monty python sketch about spam, the one that includes vikings marching around, singing, "spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam!"

update: the recipe i saw this morning was for spam breakfast burritos!
would you rather eat spam breakfast burritos, or ginger spam salad? discuss.

can we all just agree that it is a little unsettling to see construction guys with tiny, handheld signs standing by the gates of a railroad crossing?

because, although i realize that a certain amount of human error is involved even with the normal gates-lower-lights-flash-bells-clang method of warning drivers that a train is approaching, it just seems safer and more authoritative than two guys standing beside the crossing, holding those little slow/stop signs and smoking cigarettes or gazing off into space or abandoning their position to go stand by the other guy and chat.

update: or, you know, talking on their mobile telephones or listening to their ipods or just plain turned around facing the other way. PROTECT ME FROM TRAINS, PEOPLE!

it's been like this for days. sheesh.

can we all just agree that the "life timer" on my mobile telephone is an excellent idea?

because today, on the one year anniversary of my obtaining a mobile telephone of my own, i can do a little bit of math and figure out that during the ~48 weeks of the past year in which i was within reception range, i talked on the telephone an average of 8.63 hours per week. wow.

can we all just agree that the itunes option to share playlists with folks in your geographical area is awesome?

because if you are in a crowded, itunes-using laptop owner-intensive area like a university cafe or library, it can help you get through thesis-induced dark nights of the soul by allowing you to take study breaks with hilariously trashy music, like baby bash's "sugar," or the catchy catchy song that you heard on the radio but don't own yet, like "rebellion (lies)" by the arcade fire.

and if you happen to live in my neighborhood, from time to time you are treated to confusing but funny situations like the one that happened to me tonight when i found that there was a playlist labelled "meow meow's music," where meow=a common and not amusing male name, and meow=a last name befitting a saturday night live character. meow meow's playlist contained only a few songs, all of them by guns n roses, except the ones that were guns n roses collaborating with other artists. like tom petty's free fallin', sung by tom petty himself and sounding pretty much like a live version of free fallin', except for the axl rose wailing on the chorus and starting things off with "FREE FALLIN'!" oh and also, one of the guns n roses collaborations was with elton john. this is overwhelming; i need a waffle.

can we all just agree that having conversations like this is awesome?

[cute kid and i are hanging out in a play yard that includes a pretty stinky chicken coop]

me: whoa, it really smells like chicken over here!

cute kid [looking pretty apologetic]: well, it's probably me. i had four pieces of chicken for dinner.

can we all just agree that life would be much better for everyone if people would use their turn signals?

seriously.

can we all just agree that about half the time, djs play "jesus of suburbia" so that they can poop while on the clock?*

because at 9:08, what else are they going to do? i mean, it's a great song and everything, but i feel like i hear it WAY more often than any other song even approaching that long. just sayin'.

*i am not necessarily opposed to pooping while on the clock.

update: the other night when i was listening to the radio, the dj began to play "jesus of suburbia," then commented, "this is a great song, because it gives me time to go to the bathroom and get a snack." agreed!

can we all just agree that it sucks when eyelashes get all crazy?

because seriously, when they start turning around and poking you in the eye, and twisting themselves up with one another, it really kind of cramps my style.

can we all just agree that head rubs are a fantastic way to end a too-long day of work?

because i don't really think anything beats lying on the couch and having someone who cares about you pet your hair and play you funny country songs and make wry observations about toby keith, such as, "to be fair, if i were dating toby keith, i wouldn't want to talk about him either."

amen.

can we all just agree that "car" by built to spill is one of the best songs ever?

because, seriously, i can listen to it forever. both the version from "the normal years" and the slightly tinnier version from "there's nothing wrong with love." and also, who wouldn't want to see movies of their dre-e-e-e-e-eams?

can we all just agree that the promise of the future is kind of breath-taking sometimes?

because when i think about things continuing to be interesting and fun and above all, comfortable and right—and even becoming more interesting and more fun and more comfortable and more right—it's kind of amazing.

can we all just agree that the nonexistance of teleportation technology is wholly unacceptable?

because sometimes, when you're talking to your best friend on the telephone, and she is doubting that she is fabulous and amazing and wonderful and incredible, all you want to do more than anything else is give her a hug.

but you can't. because of geography. ugh.

can we all just agree that enormous cats are wonderful?

because cats are great. but enormous cats, cats who are larger than basketballs when carried in the curved spine/back feet in the air fashion, enormous cats are fantastic.

update: if you got here because you are searching for excellent pictures of enormous cats, try looking here, or here, or here, or here:

i hope you like them.