wisdom from b.f.h.

i just received the following text message:

"I've learned the hard way that there is no cure for glitter herpes, all I can do is manage the outbreak."

possibly the most ridiculous text message not intended for me i've received to date:

"Who's hot... You!
Who's fine... You!
Who's cute.. You!
Who's sexy.. You!
Who's a liar..ME!!
Hahaha jk."

i would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of several important points:

1. ellipses consist of three dots, and should have a space neither before nor after.
2. capital letters are not necessary after ellipses.
3. question marks (?) are required when one is asking a question.
   
4. exclamation points, which must be used sparingly, should appear singly (!) or in groups of three (!!!).
5. words written in all capital letters tend to evoke shouting. shouting is rather uncouth.
   
6. "jk," while not quite as bad as "lol*," is still a totally stupid thing to write.

thus, corrected, this misdirected text message would actually read:

"Who's hot? You!
Who's fine? You!
Who's cute? You!
Who's sexy? You!
Who's a liar? Me!!!
Hahaha. I'm sorry for accidentally sending this text message to you when I clearly intended to send it to someone else. I'm extra sorry for accidentally sending this text message to you when you were kind of hoping for a text message from someone you'd recently begun to find rather shiny but who actually didn't end up sending you anything today at all.. JK LOL!!"

*"lol" is the bane of my internet existence.

more wacky dreams.

just one, really. the other night i dreamed that i was at the beach but the tide was really low and so there were islands surrounded by shallow water, but really low long waves too.

and there were a bunch of dead horses in the water. they were all stiff, and their legs were sticking straight down, but when the waves rolled in and out, the dead horses were flipping over and over.

i was understandably upset about it, and i decided that i would try to find out who or what was responsible for the dead horses. i learned that the italian government had recently installed a huge iron fence, although it wouldn't keep the dead horses off of the beach when the tide came in.

this somehow meant that the italian government was implicated in the dead horses situation, and so i set off to learn more. i was moving through the cars of a passenger train, but i had to hide from the people who didn't want me to solve the mystery. they were trying to waylay me by doing things like offering me barbequed roadkill skunk on a fancy platter.

i was getting to the bottom of it, too, but then someone sent me a text message and it woke me up.

i probably shouldn't have eaten that grilled cheese sandwich right before going to bed a little drunk after staying up for 22 hours that day. blah blah.