equal marriage rights: not just an abstract question

courage campaign institute: ed watson and derence kernek on the importance of lifting the prop. 8 stay

california's prop 8, which took away the right of gay people to get married in the state of california, was a crushing political defeat for people who believe in equal rights. the california state supreme court is considering a challenge to prop 8, but not until after they take a six month summer vacation—sorry, for judges it's apparently called a summer recess—and in that time, some people have gotten the idea that the ban on marriages while the court case is being settled should be lifted.

and here's one example of why. ed and derence have been together for forty years, but ed has alzheimer's disease and it's progressing quickly. he and derence want to get married before ed's health deteriorates further. note that this video might make you cry.

but i think it's really important to consider that forbidding gay marriages is impacting the lives of real people. it's not just a fascinating legal matter with vast social and political implications. depriving people of equal rights harms them and our society. and it's categorically the wrong thing to do.

more stories and the opportunity to submit your own here.

you too can get one of these stickers, for free (free shipping, even!) here.

you can also order 5 for $5 or 50 stickers for $25, with proceeds going to the fight for marriage equality.

or, if you already ordered a sticker a few weeks ago like i did, you can just sit and watch the number of stickers ordered going up in real time. that feels pretty good, actually. (today i looked around noon and 27,000something had been ordered. less than three hours later, it's just reached 37,000).

from the "wtf srsly?!?" section of my favorite state:

"California Supreme Court Upholds Ban on Same-Sex Marriage"

ugh. i feel gross. after watching the public arguments about proposition 8, i wasn't feeling very optimistic anyway, but having it confirmed is pretty discouraging.

i don't really have the energy to write much about it right now; sometimes i'm ready to argue about it for hours but right now i'm just sad. another day.

but anti-equality folks: you should be ashamed of yourselves. maybe you think gays are icky, that the bible is against homosexuality, or perhaps you just lack any sort of meaningful capacity for empathy or fail to place any value on fairness—whatever's wrong with you that makes you want to deny basic rights and recognition to other people, people who are just like you, with hopes and dreams and families and crushes, i hope you get that looked at.

just so you know, kenneth starr is just as much of a jackass as you remembered.

i went to san francisco today to watch the arguments about proposition 8 before the california supreme court. i was expecting miserable weather and tons of people; the crowd wasn't ever very big and the weather was absolutely magnificent.

i ran into a friend from the dorms; he'd been looking at me funny and it was because he recognized me. we stood together for a bit. then he had to leave and i ended up next to an older woman who gave me the rundown on everything. she knew the names of all the justices and how they'd voted, how they were likely to vote, and big issues with which they might be concerned. she was awesome.

and kenneth starr? awful. what a horrible dude. he kept talking about how eliminating marriage rights didn't erode the bundle of rights so graciously granted by the state...and we kept hissing. because at that point, it was about all we could do.

and then i left the protest and had lunch with jesse danger.

because i respect honesty in headlines:

from the san francisco chronicle: "Power plant has no plans to stop killing fish"

can we all just agree that brother bear's return to kallyfornia is a wonderful thing indeed?

can we all just agree that rick warren is an unacceptable choice for obama's inauguration?

i agree that it is important to build bridges between people with different opinions. i know that this is a particular strength of barack obama, and i admire him for it. at this point, i've given up on the idea that an american president would be as progressive as i'd like. i get it. i'm going to be disappointed sometimes.

but seriously. rick warren?

from a beliefnet interview published december 17, 2008:

WARREN: The issue to me, I'm not opposed to that as much as I'm opposed to redefinition of a 5,000 year definition of marriage. I'm opposed to having a brother and sister being together and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage.

BELIEFNET: Do you think those are equivalent to gays getting married?

WARREN: Oh, I do.

seriously, obama? that was who you thought would be a good choice for your inauguration? rick warren? who this week compared same-sex marriage to incest, pedophilia, and "fundamentalist mormon" marriage? was rick santorum not available or something?

equality california's got a petition demanding that warren be uninvited here.

i'm still in shock about this one. what a slap in the face to gay and lesbian people and their allies. for shame, obama.

can we all just agree that something big is happening? or, prop 8 thoughts.

i was devastated at the passage of proposition 8. sad and hurt and angry and ashamed and generally miserable. wednesday was a horrible day.

in my head, i know some things: this can't last forever; this is a struggle that's been going on for a long time, much longer than i've been alive; society will come around eventually; people have to be patient; etc etc etc.

and as much as it is horribly unfair to tell people that they have to continue to wait for full acceptance and full recognition of their worth as human beings, i do understand, at least on an intellectual level, that the fight for civil rights is continuing, and will ultimately succeed.

the distance between head and heart, as usual, is pretty huge. my heart broke last week as i talked to friends and heard their hurt and confusion, and feelings of danger and rejection. and as much as i thought i'd be ecstatic over an obama victory, i have been so upset over the success of prop 8 that i've hardly felt anything over obama's election at all.

but i realized something tonight, as i heard about and read about still more protests and campaigns against prop 8 and for equality: proposition 8 has touched off something huge. there are many people who have been diligently working toward equality for decades, and now, as never before, there is a groundswell of popular support for equality. and more straight allies are emerging than ever before.

the next days and weeks and months are sure to be exciting and scary times, for many reasons. but this is just another one.

something big is happening. i feel it.

post-election thoughts

i've never been proud to be an american and ashamed to be a californian before.

c.w.a.j.a.?.'s quick and dirty california proposition endorsement time!

1A: yes! trains!
2: yes! bigger boxes for the chickens!
3: no. it's money for construction only, and only a few children's hospitals will benefit (the same ones who paid to put it on the ballot...waitaminute!)
4: hell no. not all girls can talk to their families; restricting abortion for minors will lead to more girls harming themselves while trying to end their pregnancies without doctors.
5: yes. rehab for nonviolent drug offenders instead of expensive, unhelpful jail.
6: no. we don't need more prisons.
7: no. good general idea, bad specific execution (bought onto the ballot by a rich dude whose own business interests will benefit. no thank you.
8: HELL NO. don't add discrimination to california's constitution. love is love. discrimination is wrong. mormon church out of california politics.
9: no. costs a lot of moneys, doesn't improve things.
10: no. another good general idea bought onto the ballot by a rich dude whose own business interests will benefit. sheesh.
11. no. redistricting is a good idea but i'm freaked out at the total randomness of the system 11 proposes.
12. yeah, i think so.

seriously, no on 8.

today i got a yes on 8 mailer. and i'm still pissed about it. i can't really write logically about it right now because i'm too damn angry. but:

for anyone interested in helping stop prop 8:

1. donate: your money puts ads on the air. the mormon church has pumped millions of dollars into the yes campaign, and turned public opinion from 38% in favor/55% opposed in mid-september to a majority in favor today. donations are being matched dollar for dollar until midnight tonight (10/31.)

2. call voters: the yes on 8 campaign mobilized thousands of people (many from out of state) to call and knock on doors, spreading lies about prop 8. you can sign up online to call people, either at a phone bank or from your own home. for calling from home, they use a fancy calling system that means that your number doesn't show up on people's caller id, and you pay no long distance fees. i've been doing it, and although it makes me nervous, i am proud to be a part of this effort.

3. talk to your friends and family about prop 8: i've definitely got friends who support/considered supporting/used to support prop 8. there are still people who haven't really heard about prop 8, since there's so much noise about this election. others have only heard from the yes on prop 8 people, and may be convinced that without prop 8, all elementary school classes will be replaced with mandatory, non-age appropriate sex ed. (for the record, parents have always, and will always have opt-out rights in the state of california...remember those permission slips you had to return before awkward sixth grade sex ed time? still the law.)

i talked to both of my parents about it. my mom donated, and my dad's thinking about it.

for more information: http://www.noonprop8.com

vote no on proposition 4 (again.)

in november 2006 i wrote this about proposition 85, which can be seen as the parent of proposition 4. (proposition 73 is the grandparent, i suppose; anti-choicers have been trying to force through a parental notification law in california for a long time) [i only changed the proposition numbers and the date references; the rest is vintage 2006 c.w.a.j.a.?.]:

so two years ago, california voters rejected prop 85. and this year, i hope we reject prop 4 as well. it's a law that would require parental consent for all minors seeking abortions. and it's a bad plan. in a super ideal world, no minors would have to seek abortions, period. (you know, that world in which no one is ever a victim of sexual assault, and all birth control is 100% efffective? that super ideal world.) in an ideal world, all minors would be able to talk to their parents and those parents would be supportive, emotionally and financially, if a minor decided to seek an abortion.

but here's the thing: we don't live in either of those worlds. sometimes girls can't talk to their parents about needing an abortion. because sometimes their parents would kick them out of the house, or kill them, or force them to keep a baby they didn't want and couldn't care for. and sometimes, those dads or stepdads are the fathers of the babies, or those moms or stepmoms are the ones who knew that girls were being raped and didn't stop it.

so seriously, california voters, think about this. sometimes girls will not be safe, and cannot get what they need, from their parents. awesome for you and your kids if that isn't your situation. but realize that this isn't the case for everyone. think of the girls who can't talk to their parents. and vote no on prop 4. it's a horrible idea, just like props 85 and 73 were two and three years ago, respectively. no on 4.

and there you have it. the bottom line is this: not all girls can safely tell their parents that they are pregnant. although proposition 4 provides an option for girls to seek a waiver from a judge, that is an unacceptable solution. the last thing a scared, pregnant girl needs is to have to navigate our legal system and then be forced to justify herself before a judge, who may or may not decide that she has to tell her parents because he finds her explanation why she can't uncompelling.

oh. also: making it harder for teenagers to have abortions isn't going to reduce the number of teenagers having abortions. it will just reduce the number of teenagers having saving, legal abortions. if prop 4 passes, more girls will turn to unsafe methods, and their lives will be in danger. no on 4.

vote no on gender auditors, and no on proposition 8.

courage campaign, "gender auditors"

via the always excellent meh-wee-uhn at hai voluto la bicicletta, which used to be called "sleep is the new sex", and which is still wonderful.

for anonymous: this is not a mccain/palin comment.

mike butler's endorsement:
as a matter of principle (or pragmatism?), i don't support third parties in national elections, only local ones. at least at the present time. but i do support cats, and also mike butler (who is both radical and rad. you remember. we've been over this before.)

so, in the spirit of fairness, and of not writing about mccain/palin (anonymous, i'm thinking of you!), here is mike's recommendation.

i just got the courage campaign's 2008 progressive voter guide today, and although it was well-written and quite reasonable, it lacked excellent photos of kitties. i'm glad to have this poster to balance things out.

election thoughts:

so. i'm kind of freaking out about the election. it keeps coming up in most of the conversations i have each day, i'm reading the news and political blogs all the time, i'm having nightmares about how it could turn out (no joke.)

along with many of the people i know, i'm investing a lot of emotional and mental energy in the election. and i realized a couple of weeks ago that the only way i was going to make it to election day was to do at least one thing every week that will help keep sarah palin and john mccain out of the white house. i would like to encourage you to make a similar commitment, if you feel so inclined.

although it may seem painfully obvious to you that palin/mccain is a bad idea (because she's totally unqualified to become president, because he votes with bush 90% of the time, because she opposes abortion under any circumstances—even in cases of rape or incest [so a twelve year old girl who was raped by her father would be forced to carry the pregnancy to term, in sarah palin's america], because he and his buddies are some of the key people who got us into this economic catastrophe, because seeing russia from your house doesn't make you ready to deal with world leaders anymore than seeing the moon from my porch makes me an astronaut, because rich people aren't just those who earn more than five million dollars a year, etc), there is still a very real chance that palin and mccain will win.

you have the power to help stop this.

here are some things you might want to do:

1) register yourself or someone else to vote.

october 20 is the last day to register if you live in california.

you need to re-register if any of the following apply to you:
a) you've changed your name
b) you've moved
c) you wish to change your party affiliation (regardless of your present party affiliation, you can vote for whomever you wish for president)
d) you aren't registered already (duh)
voter registration forms are available at all post offices, libraries, and dmv offices. they're postage paid, so if you get one at the post office you can fill it out and send it in before you even leave the building.

if you will be 18 by election day, november 4, you can register. if you're on probation but off parole, you can vote.

2) volunteer for obama/biden.

they aren't perfect, but if you prefer them to the bible spice/old man mccrazy ticket, they need your help.

the obama/biden campaign in california is focusing on calling and visiting nevada. california is a safe state—although it won't be a landslide, obama will win here. nevada is totally up for grabs, at this point. kerry lost nevada by about 12,000 votes in 2004, and there has been a lot of new voter registration since then. it is entirely possible that the entire election will come down to nevada, and you could be one of the people who helps turn it blue.

the east bay headquarters is located at 3225 adeline street in berkeley, less than one block from ashby bart. it's open 10-9 every day of the week. the san francisco headquarters is located at 939 market street, and it's open from 9-9 daily. (information for the other california offices is here) you don't have to have any experience. just go when you have a bit of time, and you'll be able to make calls to undecided voters. (bring your phone and charger and a laptop if you can, but it's not essential.) they give you a script to read or paraphrase, and you aren't arguing with people. if someone doesn't want to talk to you or says they support mccain, you thank them for their time and move on to the next call (which just might be a 75 year old lifelong republican who tells you how much she loves obama and thanks you profusely for what you're doing.) if you really aren't up for phoning, they might have you do some data entry, or some paper shredding, or some photocopying. if you go in and tell them you'll do anything, they'll put you to work.

also, there are snacks. and it is beautiful to see so many different people coming together for different reasons toward the same goal. be part of history.

if you have time to go to nevada to knock on doors and register voters, go! they'll tell you all about it at the office.

3. donate money (seriously, even $10 makes a difference) to obama/biden or to moveon.org.

they'll make your money go far. obama/biden are funded just by donations from people, none from lobbyists. (palin-mccain take money from wherever they can get it.)

donate to the campaign directly at www.barackobama.com, or donate to moveon.org at, well, moveon.org. moveon.org is sending people union-printed, made in america, american apparel obama t-shirts for a donation of $12 or more. i've found space in my budget to send them a little more than that, twice. they're comfy shirts.

4. vote.

election day is tuesday, november 4, 2008. polls are open from 7 am-8 pm. find your polling place by looking at your sample ballot or calling your county registrar of voters (contact info here, from the california secretary of state's website.)

under federal law, your employer is required to give you time off to vote, if you cannot do it outside of work hours. you may have to ask them in advance, so figure it out now. (if you're registered with an old address, why not reregister with your new one? you'll get a sample ballot with all the propositions and candidate statements, and you won't have to plan to go far away to the proper polling place.)

5. read up. know what you think and why. talk to other people.

a lot is going on right now. it's a scary time to be alive. there's a lot at stake here, for americans and for the rest of the world. there are times when politics and religion and other potentially awkward subjects can be ignored, and there are times when they can't be. you know which is which. but when you have the opportunity, have those tough conversations.

6. don't give up.

if you want to see a different world than the one in which we currently live, we have a lot of work to do. it won't stop on november 4, but it will be a hell of a lot easier to work toward that better world if we don't have palin and mccain in office.

thank you for reading.

some free advice for the bigots behind california's proposition 8:

next time, consider getting your yard signs from a union supplier here in the united states like the no on 8 campaign did.

because then you might actually have some. i mean, in california.

free bonus advice: stop being so intolerant. obsessing over the sex lives of consenting adults of legal age is tacky at best. and trying to strip your fellow citizens of basic rights is downright nasty.

bonus free advice for those of you who don't believe in rewriting california's constituion to take away the right of a homosexual person to marry the person he or she loves: you can volunteer or donate money here.

heckuva job, guys.

c.w.a.j.a.?. extends its congratulations to the republicans in the california legislature who have, once again, managed to balance a budget on the backs of children, sick people, poor people, students, and california's public education system.

and to arnold schwarzenegger, who is planning to veto it.

and to everyone involved in perpetuating california's now 78-day-old budget stalemate, the longest we've ever had, which is hurting children, sick people, poor people, students, and california's public education system.

thanks for your support.

my blog report on "very small rain" by sarah.

my blog report on "very small rain"
by sarah.

"very small rain," a project of alan wiig, is an eclectic collection of beautiful photographs, passages from books, and observations on modern life. alan is an excellent photographer and has good taste in literature. he loves california in a way that more people should—unselfconsciously, and with an unflinching commitment to deconstructing the false narratives of its past, present and future. he's also a geographer, a map librarian, a talented bicycle mechanic, and a damn good friend. go see.

(read more blog reports)

happy (belated) fathers' day, part 1: a website, a bookstore, and a present

happy fathers' day! i'm sorry i didn't post this on...um...fathers' day. i was hanging out with the dad, and then being stuck at the train station, and the going to school and working and things and before i knew it, it was way after fathers' day. but! fathers' day, i'm not going to forget you.

here is a blog that you might want to look at: rad dad—a zine about fathering in dangerous times. (it is also a pretty nice little zine. also, when rad dad hosted a fathers' day event at book zoo, the best bookstore ever, it was called "i love it when you call me big papa." wonderful! [but seriously, if you're ever in oakland, GO THERE. 6395 telegraph avenue at alcatraz. it is full of the books that you've been meaning to read and they are cheap. i promise. go!])

and now your (belated) fathers' day present: from rad dad, "How to Reclaim Fathers' Day from Ties and Work"

Things Fathers (or really anyone) can do to challenge Patriarchy

1. Remind yourself and others that parenting does not equal mothering.
2. Wear your baby in a sling.
3. Take your kids with you everywhere you can—grocery stores, errands, to your place of work, Sunday afternoon celebrations, meetings
4. Believe in other men’s ability to parent. Talk to other men about fathering.
5. Vocalize your support of breastfeeding moms
6. Consider being a stay at home dad.
7. Take any parent infant class you are interested in. Be proactive in your parenting.
8. Talk to your kids about gender, class, and racial privilege. Be proactive in addressing the subtle ways these things are taught to your kids.
9. Start a new dad’s group, one where you take the baby with you.
10. Volunteer to help set up child care in the organizations you are a part of.
11. Ask others, especially non-parents, to help. Be a parent ally!
12. Make a point to ask if there are changing tables in the men’s restrooms everywhere you go.
13. Fight gendered parental roles – make dinner, do the laundry, mop the floors, clean the bathroom, watch the kids.
14. Combat images of bumbling fathers in the media. Talk to your kids as you encounter these stereotypes ala “Daddy Day Care,” “Mr. Mom,” “The Pacifier,” “Big Daddy.”
15. And, of course, write for Rad Dad as well as create your own fathering/parenting projects. And invite others to participate.

can we all just agree that same-sex marriage in california is awesome?

i've cried quite a few times in the last couple of days, looking at pictures and reading stories of beautiful, loving couples. the san francisco chronicle has a few great photo galleries of folks. go see!

also, please take a look at t4toby's civil rights are civil rights. i think he hits the nail on the head, so to speak, and his post also includes the first picture that made me cry: a couple who has been together for 55 years. 55 years!

and on a lighter note, jesse sent me the following video:

it's all because (the gays are getting married)

so folks, love is love. and this week is a great time to appreciate that. we've got a long way to go on the road to equal rights for everyone, but for now, take a moment to see beautiful brides and grooms, people in love.