Sunday, April 30, 2006

can we all just agree that some spam is worse than others* [volume 2]?

*first of all, yes, i realize that "c.w.a.j.a.t.s.s.i.w.t.o." is not gramatically correct. indeed, it should either be the less-wieldy "some kinds of spam are worse than others" or perhaps the awkward "some spam is worse than other." but it is neither. sorry, militant grammarians. i know i'm letting the team down here, but that's just how it's going to be.

i'd like to add to my past spam appreciations the story of a message i got the other day that i happened to open because i was clicking through a bunch of mail without returning to the inbox (even though someone very wise told me not to ever open spam because sometimes the spammers can tell if you opened their message and it only encourages them). the entire text of this message was:


that was it. no punctuation, no strings of seemingly random letters, no insinuations about the sizes of my body parts, nothing.

it was kind of beautifully simple. understated. classy, even.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

can we all just agree that forcing people to address parking ticket fine checks to "city of meow*, customer service" is kind of irritating?

i don't actually feel served, as a customer, when i have to pay parking tickets. they could just as easily leave off the "customer service" part and just have me send it to "city of meow." or to "evil giraffe club," or "meter maid secret hideout." or something.

*where meow=the city in which i recently got a parking ticket. sigh.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

can we all just agree that snail eggs, or slug eggs, or whatever they are, are disgusting?

i was sure that the foamy white deposits on many of my plants were snail eggs, or possibly slug eggs. but after a gross couple of google image searches, i'm no longer sure. i'm tired of googling the many permutations of "foamy white deposits in garden", so at the risk of being incorrect in my identification, i would like to assert that snail eggs are disgusting.*

i've been scraping them off of plants for several weeks now (it must be snail mating season!), but tonight i ended up spending a good fifteen minutes on foamy white deposits in garden removal. and i got some of it on me by mistake. gross!

*although, i have to admit that dealing with this icky, zygotey problem has caused me to think about the sweet sweet snail luvvin' part** of microcosmos, so it's not all bad. ahh.

**oh man kids, i am so sorry i couldn't find a link to a video of this part of the movie. so sorry.

can we all just agree that exchanges like this are awesome?

dude on bike who is about to get creamed by a cabbie (very rapidly): "NO! NO! NO! NO!"
cabbie (at the top of his lungs, furiously): "SHITLICKER!!!"
dude on bike (totally calmly): "you too, hippie."

man, i love the city.

can we all just agree that, if your company has kind of erratic service, basing your tech support in canada is a good idea?

because yeah, it is a bummer when your internet just sort of doesn't work and you can't really figure out why, and you employ all the tricks in your formidable trouble-shooting arsenal (restart compy 3000, quit firefox, try silly old safari, unplug the modem and the router, turn airport off and then on again, try to use another network that isn't password protected), and you have to end up calling tech support and they're extremely polite and friendly but not very helpful...but somehow it's less awful when they have funny canadian accents and speech patterns, and they talk aboot your problem with you and say the word "adhered," which you and everyone you know always pronounced "ad-HERE-d" as "a-DEAR-d."

but even the canadians aren't enough sometimes, and i'm glad it's fixed. even though i had to get up early for it.

oh! and i have things to tell you...

Friday, April 14, 2006

can we all just agree that modest mouse's "baron von bullshit rides again" is a pretty fine album?

because some of the songs are less screamy than usual, and others are more, but they're all good. especially 3rd planet, which is excellent.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

can we all just agree that it feels like summer?

eleventy million consecutive days of rain abruptly ending and being replaced by 69 degrees after 6:00 pm=summertime. sweet!

can we all just agree that, after you look at it too many times, the word "skills" starts to look pretty violent?


can we all just agree that real actual vacations are an incredibly good idea?

because after sleeping enough, and walking around in a cool town, and looking at the ocean, and eating gelato!, and having great home-cooked meals, and being in a beautiful house, and having lots of good conversation, and being introduced to lots of folks, and admiring a lovely garden, and drinking many many cups of tea, i feel much more ready to deal with the rest of life.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

can we all just agree that lingering injuries are lame?

because i hurt myself five days ago, but there's still a bump! and it still hurts when i touch it!

but at least i've stopped feeling weird (at least as a likely result of the injury.) eh.

Monday, April 10, 2006

can we all just agree that sewing machines are rad?

and can we all further agree that the only thing radder than getting a sewing machine is getting a free sewing machine? with all kinds of bobbins and thread and other sewing paraphernalia? hooray hooray hooray!

can we all just agree that the following things make for a lovely birthday?

1. lots of phone calls
2. lots of text messages
3. cards
4. a funny shirt
5. magnets
6. handmade vases
7. bowling
8. 80's movies
9. people you love getting to know (and even like!) each other
10. mexican food
11. a palm sunday pagent
12. mail
13. snacks
14. family
15. good good friends
16. in-n-out burger
17. flowers (homegrown!)

thank you life.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

can we all just agree that it's awesome when people remember your birthday?

even in advance.

can we all just agree that it's pretty awesome when seedlings you plant on a sunday are growing by thursday?

even without much sunlight?

AND, can we all agree further that when you're glancing over to check on your happy seedlings, if you happen to see a fireworks show going on across the ocean and you can stand in your kitchen and watch, that's pretty alright too?

Friday, April 07, 2006

can we all just agree that a free saturday (shh...don't tell the jobs!) is a beautiful thing indeed?

although i miss my usual saturday plans (who will make sure i accurately remember items for c.w.a.j.a.t.k.s.a.t.#n?!?), the bummer of missing them is almost compensated for by missing them for a decent reason that also doesn't include lots of work on my part.

i'm missing them and doing...nothing! or everything! but it's so up to me!


Thursday, April 06, 2006

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 6]?*+

*with special thanks to g for remembering!
+and then helping me figure out what it was the kid said!

the other day on the train, there was a kid sitting with two women, and all of the sudden he says (at the top of his lungs, since that's how they all talk) "ARE THOSE YOUR NORMAL LIPS?!?"

when we got off the train a few minutes later, i looked at the woman he was talking to, and they looked pretty normal to me...

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 5]?

today a first grader told me, "i have two good days. because i think my mommy is picking me up today, and because today i was sitting in my class and i heard [pronounced "heerd"] the rain." i love them.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

can we all just agree that "my humps" by black eyed peas is, quite possibly, among the worst songs ever recorded?

seriously. this is one of those songs that doesn't just make me want to change the radio station, it makes me want to turn off the radio. possibly permanently. i'm not exaggerating; i truly lose interest in listening to the radio.

all it takes is the mere mention of the song, too, to activate the evil part of the lyrics-capturing sector of my brain, the part that hates my very existence. that part, though we've heard the song in its entirety only twice, knows all the words. and wants to spite me or show off, apparently, because it launches a hostile takeover and all of the sudden, the p.a. system in my mind can broadcast nothing else.

here's the crazy part: i actually wrote a post to this effect months ago. (just now, when i was typing the headline, autofill was all over it. and my feelings about that horrendous crime against the aural universe are, of course, sufficiently strong that i am able to come close to recreating the body of the post. i know you're all relieved.) but somehow, and i'm not sure how, it vanished. after careful consideration, i am prepared to advance the hypothesis that the utter and unprecedented suckiness of "my humps" actually created some sort of black hole-like vacuum that sucked my tender post into a void of suck.* at any rate, i know this is kind of last fall, but i just have to make it totally clear: we should all be able to agree about the incredible suckiness of "my humps." and never, ever, hum, sing, whistle, play, or tap it again.

*oh dear, that didn't really sound like i meant it to.