to the left is my countdown calendar. i made it for the job that i hate. i made it over the weekend of january 25-27, which was kind of a bummer time in general. mamacita was visiting, which was great, but things with the heart weren't so good, and we had planned to go away for the weekend and that was a spectacular failure, and i was feeling pretty crummy in general, and one of the reasons for that was the job i hate. so i decided that, although i was afraid of being a quitter and afraid of admitting i didn't want to do something so much that i felt like i couldn't, i had to pick a concrete date to quit.
i thought about it carefully, and then decided that i would stay until the end of may. in my mind, my countdown calendar would fit on one 4x6 index card (i love index cards, by the way. love them.) so i got my favorite sharpie and started to write down dates. and then it took two index cards. and then i cried because the end of may seemed so far away and the prospect of staying that long seemed so terrible.
later on, i realized that i could not possibly stay until the end of may. so i decided on the end of april, got out the scissors, sliced off may, and started to feel better. but then things kept getting worse and worse at work, so i lost almost all of april. and then, in a meeting between me and all three of my bosses, where everyone was upset with me for things i could not possibly prevent or control, one of my bosses angrily demanded to know if i had a phone call "in writing." yes. a phone call. in writing. she wanted to know if i had a phone call in writing. it's funny now, but at the time i just felt so defeated. the next work day was way worse, and mamacita and i had a long conversation, and then i cut off all of april, circled march 3, and gave my two weeks' notice. march 14 is the day, after which i will be poorer and happier.
From Materialism to Letting Go
23 hours ago