Monday, February 04, 2008

here are some more ways to not get the ladies.

(don't forget these other ones either.)

these are brand new ways! i've collected them, from several subjects, in the last 48 hours! fresh!

1. live hundreds of miles away from the object of your pursuit.
2. be crazy. (okay, this one isn't really brand new.)
3. be old enough to be her dad (and not in the "yeah-i-guess-an-eleven-year-old-could-technically-father-a-child" way. in the "dude,-people-totally-are-married-and-intentionally-procreating-at-that-age" way.)
4. lead off with a quote from javier bardem's totally insane character in "no country for old men" (imdb describes him as "an emotionless, compassionless, killing machine." ew.)
5. cheerfully mention the incurable, contagious diseases you have.
6. get real nosy about her sexual history...on the first date. which is a blind date. as in, you've never met each other before. keep asking questions and then guessing at the answers after she's clearly, directly, and politely indicated that she's done talking about it and has already changed the subject.

update!: 7. wear a ron paul sticker.
8. be involved, in any way, in the flying of a giant ron paul banner over my neighborhood today.

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