can we all just agree that it's rad to realize that you can fit into kids' shoes?

yeah! i totally can!

can we all just agree that this is an excellent set of lyrics?

so the eels released a demo preview of a song entitled "somebody loves you" awhile ago, and it's a pretty solid song. here is one of my favorite parts*:

"this nagging malaise / is more than a phase
it feels like a job / but no boss ever pays
you to lay there / and think how you'll die
then tears start to well in your eye."

i hope that you get a chance to listen to this song. you might want to go here to download the free mp3. i would also recommend downloading "i'm going to stop pretending that i didn't break your heart" too; it's pretty phenomenal. and i will write about it another day.

*okay, perhaps the fourth line is a little less fantastic (maybe a little junior high OMG I MUST RHYME THIS!), but the other three are so rad that they more than make up for it. also, i briefly contemplated leaving it out, but since i was singing it in my mind while writing it, it just seemed dishonest to leave it out. but seriously, this man is a brilliant songwriter and musician. and he puts on a fantastic live show. please try to go see the eels if you get the chance. you won't regret it. and if you do, you can send me an email and let me know.

goodnight!

¿podemos estar de acuerdos que quesadillas son fantásticas?

pero con guacamole, ¿son superfantásticas? ¡sí!

can we all just agree that this, too, is interesting spam?

it is called, "re: brillian" and it reads, "door is a drinking parlor by the name of Dust on Your Tonsils. I can"

indeed.

can we all just agree that my blogday is an exciting day indeed?

today is my blogday! yes, 365 days ago, i had some things to say about making mix cds. (today, i find myself with similar concerns, if you were curious.) so, um, thanks for reading, and extra thanks for commenting, and extra extra thanks for sending me email, and i hope you like it. it's cool if you don't; i am still enjoying myself and i think that's the point, but if you do, all the better. stay warm! and happy blogday to me!

can we all just agree that the get up kids' "mass pike" is an excellent song to which to feel a little bit sorry for yourself?

cool.

can we all just agree that there is a lot to say about scrubbing the shower?

because there is. my most recent adventures in shower cleaning involved a disturbing discovery: in addition to forming unholy alliances with the hairballs in the drain, as previously discussed, the soap has also begun conspiring with the shower mold! there are a few lines of grout that are covered with soap, from the windowsill to the edge of the tub, and while i was scrubbing the soap away, all the while thinking about how easy and pleasant it was to gently wash away soap, i realized that there was crazy black mold growing underneath it!

yes, underneath it! it was thicker and scarier and more aggressive-looking than the rest of the mold! and rather than being intimidated or even killed by soap, it just lives beneath it! in a symbiotic relationship! yikes!

can we all just agree that colin hays' "i just don't think i'll ever get over you" is an amazing song?

i'm not totally crazy about all the verses, but this song captures something that is at once beautiful and tragic. ah yes and something to which i can relate! oh, little heart.

can we all just agree that broken social scene, though ridiculously named, is a pretty solid band?

seriously, for several years i heard people talking about broken social scene but i could never bring myself to listen to them because i thought the name was so unforgiveably pretentious...but oh boy was i missing out. some of the song names are also kind of silly, but their music is beautiful. even brother bear took some time out from his customary mockery of my musical taste to say that he liked it.

can we all just agree that there is something extraordinarily satisfying about cleaning?

today i scrub scrub scrubbed the gross greyish soap scum out of the bathtub. the person who i share my bathroom with goes somehow through truly mind-boggling amounts of soap (like several bars per week!), and the soap he's been using for awhile now has an unfortunate tendency to break up into small pieces, and then it ends up all over the floor of the shower (also known as the bathtub) and then it forms unholy alliances with the astonishing amounts of hair that i shed each time i shower, and then the soap/hairball hybrids close up the shower drain and then the soapy dirty water hangs out while it drains super slowly and then there's crazy soap scum.

that is what happens.

so today, i discovered a fantastic combination of cleaning products for dealing with a super scummy bathtub: this crazy "orange-scented" degreaser called "fabuloso," (although it should be called "¡fabuloso!") and baking soda. the ¡fabuloso! loosens up the soap scum, and the baking soda makes it really easy to scrub it all away! woo!

so yes, i would recommend ¡fabuloso! and baking soda to anyone with soap scum in their lives. that is all.

can we all just agree that it kind of sucks to have your right index finger bitten by a bunny?

disapproving rabbits, i turn your disapproving gaze back around toward you.

can we all just agree that the 200th post is kind of cool?

nerd party numer två...200 posts!

can we all just agree that voting is, unlike most other bullshit that passes for it, an actual reason to adorn one's body with our national symbol?

thank you, guest blogger N! you were super then, and you're super now. i love you.

oh and ps: good job democrats! now don't screw it all up. at least not all at once.

can we all just agree that california's prop 90 is a terrible idea?

here's the very short version: prop 90 has two provisions. the first increases protection against property seizures by the state under eminent domain (you know, when the state forcibly buys some little old lady's house where she's lived for 55 years and then bulldozes it to build a freeway expansion?) the second provision totally destroys any ability of state or local governments to reject any proposed development project.

"what?!?" you might say.

yeah. the first provision seems reasonable. the second is totally ridiculous. but a lot of people are so hung up on provision one that they don't really pay attention to provision two.

if a developer submits an application to build 200 condos, and the county decides that he only has room (zoning/density and health and safety-wise) to build 50, then the developer can demand that the county pay him "fair market value" for his lost revenue. so he doesn't build the 150 other condos, and then the county has to pay him all the money he would have been able to earn if he was able to build and sell (or rent) the 150 condos.

pretty clearly a bad idea? i think so too. tell your friends. no on 90.

can we all just agree that california's prop 85 is a terrible idea? still?

so last year, california voters rejected prop 73. and tomorrow, i hope we reject prop 85 as well. it's a law that would require parental consent for all minors seeking abortions. and it's a bad plan. in a super ideal world, no minors would have to seek abortions, period. (you know, that world in which no one is ever a victim of sexual assault, and all birth control is 100% efffective? that super ideal world.) in an ideal world, all minors would be able to talk to their parents and those parents would be supportive, emotionally and financially, if a minor decided to seek an abortion.

but here's the thing: we don't live in either of those worlds. sometimes girls can't talk to their parents about needing an abortion. because sometimes their parents would kick them out of the house, or kill them, or force them to keep a baby they didn't want and couldn't care for. and sometimes, those dads or stepdads are the fathers of the babies, or those moms or stepmoms are the ones who knew that girls were being raped and didn't stop it.

so seriously, california voters, think about this. sometimes girls will not be safe, and cannot get what they need, from their parents. awesome for you and your kids if that isn't your situation. but realize that this isn't the case for everyone. think of the girls who can't talk to their parents. and vote no on prop 85. it's a horrible idea, just like prop 73 was last year. no on 85.

can we all just agree that self-indulgent bruise blogging is quite enjoyable?

note the e.t. finger for scale.
(thanks for the tech help, paws!)

can we all just agree that this remains an interesting, if limiting, approach to dating?

we remember how you feel about unhygenic boys, audra. how's that working out for you?

"there's not an abundance of hygenic boys out there. there's just not. and it's sad."

aw.

¿podemos estar de acuerdos que queso fresco es fantástico?

¿especialmente en una quesadilla? ¡me encanta!

can we all just agree that playing in a bell choir is glorious?

i am so glad to do it again! hooray!

can we all just agree that disapproving rabbits are awesome?

seriously.

can we all just agree that broken social scene's "anthems for a seventeen-year-old girl," though sort of goofily-named, approaches total song

perfection?

can we all just agree that life is amazing?

seriously, dudes. tonight i was eating tater tots with ranch dressing and talking to one of my best friends when i noticed that through the over-the-kitchen-sink window i could see the sun setting behind the golden gate. and the sun was huge! enormous! and the fog or haze or whatever it was was just the right combination so that i could look right at the sun. and the sun (which was giant, just in case you'd forgotten) looked like a peach. it was that exact beautiful color of orangey. thank you, the universe.

can we all just agree that it's kind of surprising to find a possum in your yard?

there it was, just hangin out, chillaxin (thanks, paws!)...not at all perturbed by the presence of audra and me. odd.

can we all just agree that outdoor roller skating is rad?

even if you do fall down after 30 minutes of successful skating and skin your hand and knee. (at least the yellow tights didn't get a hole in them! thank goodness for that.)

can we all just agree that there is nothing like a nap?

can we all just agree that 18.5 inches is a pretty amazing perimeter measurement for a black and purple bruise?

ouch, bike crashes.

can we all just agree that riding 29 miles on a bicycle up and down hills is incredibly exhilirating?

good heavens. i almost finished the biggest race of the year around these parts, but then the people at the checkpoints started leaving. (i was in the back.) but it was amazing. and i loved it.

i also love my new smooth tires.

can we all just agree that dynamite hack's pretty excellent not-boyz-in-the-hood songs are unfairly ignored?

seriously, guys. yes yes, boyz in the hood is a fairly amusing cover, but every single other dynamite hack song is much better. you should give superfast a listen. it is an excellent album. trust me, you won't be disappointed. unless you have bad taste in music.

can we all just agree that it's nice to have a job?

yes! with kind people. doing really meaningful work. in the faith-based peace and justice field. i am a happy kid!

can we all just agree that it's nice when your sweet little eye makes a valiant recovery from an accidental chemical spill?

one tiny drop of diluted shower gel can produce dramatic reactions, apparently. i think left eye is gonna be okay, but it was all halloween-looking for the entire morning. it's a good thing i have glasses, or i would have had to lie in bed reading with the book just a few inches from my nose. instead, i did all kinds of things in the garden, rearranged my kitchen cupboard, and now i'm tackling laundry. so much laundry. left eye and i will emerge victorious! mark my words.

can we all just agree that pizza and beer is a fantastic combination?

seriously, i could have pizza and bread soda every day and still be quite happy. i could even be fine having pineapple on my pizza several times a week to be sure to ward off scurvy.

can we all just arrrgree that national talk like a pirrrate day is rrrad?

i trust that you are observing it as well.

can we all just agree that tapas are fantastic?

oh my.

can we all just agree that budgets, though occasionally frightening and often kind of discouraging, are nevertheless very useful?

can we all just agree that this is yet another awesome spam title?

"your future, paper-footed."

can we all just agree that sometimes waking up way earlier than necessary can be cool?

this morning i woke up convinced that i had overslept my alarm (i hadn't) and i sprang out of bed saying, "oh dear oh dear!" because apparently my response-to-crisis monologue is set to "that-cute-little-girl-from-the-movie-annie" these days, but as i got ready and worried a little bit, i realized that i had gotten up almost 45 minutes early. and not overslept my alarm. so i had oatmeal for breakfast and answered a bunch of email and now i'm going to go ride my bicycle to church.

happy sunday morning, everyone.

update: i realized that she doesn't actually say "oh dear oh dear!" she says "oh my goodness oh my goodness!" silly me.

update #2: i just remembered, after puzzling over it for quite some time, that her name is molly. the little one, with dark long hair? she was totally my favorite when i used to watch that movie as a kid. SO CUTE.

can we all just agree that sometimes a person just needs an accidental two hour nap?

and that at those times, it's best to just enjoy them?

can we all just agree that fake bacon is lovely?

i know that i've been posting about food a lot lately, and the loveliness of fake bacon is certainly not new to me, but i just wanted to make sure that we could all be clear about this. the end.

can we all just agree that egg and cheese and bagel sandwiches are excellent?

i have a complex love-hate relationship with eggs, but this morning i had an egg and cheese and bagel sandwich because my plans to have a waffle were foiled (curses!) and it was totally delicious.

can we all just agree that pumpkin pie is phenomenal?

although some people don't include pumpkin on their list of approved fruits and vegetables (so sad!), pumpkin pie is wonderful. especially when you make it at home from scratch. and double especially when you respond to the mysterious disappearance of your measuring spoons (what the heck?) by just dumping in cinnamon and cloves and ginger, and you add nutmeg also even though the recipe doesn't call for it, because cinnamon, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg just go together. it's true.

can we all just agree that it's great to like what you're wearing?

i am wearing a pink ribbed wide tanktop and i am so into it right now! it's like a hug for my torso, but it leaves my entire arm (x2) free to be an arm (x2). it's like free to be you and me (or free to be a family, the book we owned when i was growing up) in shirt form. and it smells nice.

can we all just agree that cute housemates are the best kind to have?

just now, the microwave beeped, in the way that it does when someone has left something inside of it, and cute housemate #1 said, "good job microwave! thank you for remembering!" and it was cute.

can we all just agree that there is no excuse for violence?

today is september 11. you know. i don't have to remind you. bush is talking about it to justify the war and to justify torturing people.

republicans are talking about it to try to win some elections.

democrats, as usual, couldn't come up with a coherent, compelling, and concise statement on anything if their lives depended on it. thanks, guys.

but i'm talking about it because it was a tragedy. and—this might be hard—the 3,000 people who died, sons, daughters, all, some mommies and daddies, best friends, secret crushes, first kisses, husbands, wives, cute neighbors, excellent babysitters, the girl with the awesome shoes, the boy with the gorgeous crooked smile, the woman who never smiled, the man with the goofy ties...though each a precious child of god or the universe or just two other people...they were no better or worse than any of the people who have died since as part of the united states' plan for retribution. right now, at 1:34 am on september 11, between 41,650 and 46,318 civilians have been reported killed by the war in iraq. 41,650, if you want to take the low estimate. versus 3,000. and did it bring them back, those 3,000? and what about afghanistan? and the soldiers, on both sides, all sides?

iraqis, afghanis, americans, we all love our kids. and our families. and our friends. and our lovers. there are differences that people seize upon, to try to divide us, and differences that we ourselves might be hung up on: some of us look different, they talk funny, we don't understand islam, they live so far away it's almost like they don't actually exist because we've never seen them and we are unlikely to ever see them and since we live in america, we are often priviledged enough to pretend like it isn't happening, but today is yet another ripe opportunity to make a commitment to yourself and your humanity and this world and all of the kids and the future, and to make a commitment to rejecting violent solutions.

don't write me off as one of those infuriating people who insists, ostrich-style, that there are no dangers in the world. the united states has enemies, certainly (in many cases, not entirely unearned enemies), but there are better ways than bombing desperately poor countries into even smaller bits of rubble than they stood in before, and lying to invade another country in a strictly elective war of ideology, to deal with these enemies.

i am heartsick when i think of the kids, on both sides, on all sides, who will never be the same because of this mess.

september 11, 2001 was, and is, a heart-wrenching tragedy. there is absolutely no excuse for re-creating the agony of loss and bereavement worldwide.

peace.

can we all just agree that drunk people can be really obnoxious?

can we all just agree that the harry potter books are fascinating?

sheesh, i'm having trouble doing important things (sleeping, eating, gardening) because i can't wait to find out what happens next!

can we all just agree that being in bike races is rad?

but that the radness is dramatically increased when you place?!? woo! second girl, that was me! yay!

can we all just agree that random lists to oneself are both fun and confusing?

i just found one that says,
"Fred
Steve
FAWaPP"

unless it says

"Fred
Steve
FAWaDD"

sometimes, i get so confused by myself.

i'm going to throw away this list, but i kind of wonder if i should maybe keep it. just in case.

can we all just agree on the universal excellence of the jets to brazil song "cat heaven"?

gosh, i hoped so. if i were you, i would go listen to it now.

can we all just agree that bike polo is rad?

and even radder when you get way better at it after only a week? woo! go bike polo!

can we all just agree that moving on sucks?

my heart hurts.

can we all just agree that salsa dancing is fun?

in spite of sweaty handed awkward strangers and a bit of groping, but that salsa dancing is more fun without sprained pinkies? especially right pinkies?

can we all just agree that, although the use of environmentally sustainable cleaning products is an important goal, there's nothing quite like

spraying bleach on stubborn and gross shower mold and then watching it dissolve? don't worry, i diluted the bleach a little bit and kept the window open, but i scrubbed away entire mold continents with a toothbrush! today! it was really exciting!

(i'm ready to stop being unemployed now.)

can we all just agree that being awakened by an earthquake is not a very cool way in which to be awakened?

especially if it is early in the morning, and the earthquake rattles your door so that it sounds like someone is knocking. and you miss somebody so bad your teeth hurt. lame.

can we all just agree that this is an interesting approach to dating?

"i've just thought about it a lot, and i've come to the conclusion that i really like boys who are hygenic."

thank you audra.

can we all just agree that sheep nuts are amazing, and a little frightening?

so i went to the state fair (woo!) and it was a lot of fun, and i'll probably tell you more about it before too long, but i made an upsetting discovery: sheep have nuts! not all of them, of course, since there are lady sheep and eunuch sheep, but the gentlement sheep who retain their equipment...WOW.

it was really hot, so things were hanging kind of low, if you get my drift, and they were gigantic! like two tangerines!

and here's the part that still makes me laugh a little bit when i think of it: they're woolly! i mean, i guess it makes sense, because they're part of a sheep and all...but it's still kind of funny. i was telling audra about it, and she was wondering if sheep nut wool finds its way into sweaters. it's an interesting question.

so imagine, if you can, a sheep with a woolly tangerine bag, just hanging out. it's very much unlike the sheep i'm familiar with (and i grew up in a fairly sheepy place.)

i just thought you should know.

can we all just agree that spam with amusing titles is better than spam without amusing titles?

recent notables:

"your cash, pale-souled"

and

"your future, muffin pan"

i almost wanna read that one, the muffin pan one. it's almost like that particular message is being sent by someone near and dear, who playfully calls me "muffin pan" and who is writing to suggest some fantastic job leads, or maybe even some sort of no-strings-attached sponsorship arrangement, in which they pay my bills so that i can blog and garden and bake all the time.

can we all just agree that this is what happens when you are a totally fake useless spineless capitulating ridiculous "democrat"?

Latest Results 11:08 PM ET
Joseph I. Lieberman 133,323 48.2%
Ned Lamont 143,363 51.8%

98% of Precincts Reporting

you lose, dude. you lose. you lose because you have failed to listen to your critics, and because you have abandoned your party time and time again. you are george bush's favorite democrat; maybe you can score a place as one of his marginally appreciated republicans.

and don't run as an independent, you jackass.

can we all just agree that there is absolutely no excuse* for not switching to cfls?

seriously.  my friends at environmental defense just emailed me
to let me know that "If every US household replaced three 60-watt
incandescent bulbs with CFLs, it would be like taking 3.5 million
cars off the roads!"

DO IT.  it's cheap and easy and it will save you money and everybody pollution.
do it NOW.

*okay okay okay fine. maybe, just maybe, if you have a dimmer fixture that you love/can't get rid of...that is the only excuse.

can we all just agree that kids are awesome?

for each and every one of the previously enunciated reasons, definitely...but also for this one.

so a few weekends ago i was helping g move out. i was standing beside the amazingly full car when i saw a guy (the grandpa [?]) come around the corner with a little dude (probably two or three years old.) grandpa looked like he wasn't totally sure where they were going, and little dude seized the opportunity to take off down the sidewalk toward me.

grandpa was kind of flustered, and was calling after him, "meow*...meow...meow...come back, meow...meow, come back now, come back..." grandpa wasn't really getting anywhere, and i was getting ready to grab the little dude if he made it down the block to me.

but then mom came around the corner too. mom wasn't putting up with any of this. she immediately started saying, "MEOW. MEOW. COME BACK. MEOW. MEOW!" he wasn't paying any sort of attention to her either, and she sighed and then barked, "SPIDERMAN!" little dude instantly stopped running, turned right around, and went over to her. the end!

*where "meow" is the kid's actual name.

can we all just agree that going camping twice in three weeks is pretty rad?

i'm leaving again. don't take it personally. i'll be back soon, with more things upon which we can all just agree.

can we all just agree that grilled cheese sandwiches are wonderful?

i just had one tonight, and it was great! like they always are! seriously, if i could only eat one food for the rest of my life, it would definitely be grilled cheese sandwiches. hands down.

can we all just agree that it's nice to have supportive friends [volume 2]?

me: blah blah blah totally premature concerns about matters of nomenclature
friend: "oh sarah, don't even worry about that. you can call me your giraffe, if you want."

and it's even a different friend than before! sheesh, they're great!

can we all just agree that rejection hurts?

can we all just agree that this is an excellent explanation? / ¿podemos estar de acuerdo que esta es una explicación excelente?

"we have to tell these stories in spanish, because that's how they happened."

thanks, daniel (guest blogger and explainer extraordinaire)! come back to visit sometime, okay?

/

"tenemos que contar estos cuentos en español, porque se pasaron así."

¡gracias, daniel (blogger de huésped y explicador extraordinaire)! regresé para visitarnos alguna vez, ¿ok?

can we all just agree that sunburn + mosquito bites = an unfortunate combination indeed?

luckily, i have a pretty good sunscreen application technician, so the burns are pretty small, but still. bumm-ER!

can we all just agree that the norman/born different campaign is an interesting idea?

perhaps a bit of an oversimplification, but a good way to get people thinking about a really important issue. (and maybe people who need the campaign also need oversimplification?) check it out.

can we all just agree that camping is excellent?

but that it makes a person kind of sleepy? goodnight!

can we all just agree that telephone calls are really nice,

but that it's even nicer when they come one at a time? seriously, i have had more telephone calls during other calls lately than ever before. it would be much less of a problem if:

1) i didn't feel so rude answering other calls while i'm on the phone with someone already,

and

2) i knew how to use the call waiting feature on my phone. i still can't really figure out how to switch between calls, so i just end up hanging up on people most of the time. sheesh.

can we all just agree that old people are really cute, but old couples are even cuter?

today on the bus there was a sweet old couple. he was wearing a miller high life trucker hat with woven straw sides and nice shoes and she had an all-white suit on and they were totally cute. and it made me happy.

can we all just agree that it's really cool when your friends are getting married and you don't have serious misgivings about it?

aw jq and ps*, this is such a good idea!
(and also as and pf, and mg and sr...so exciting!)

*ha ha ha no silly, not that ps! the other one!

can we all just agree that it's nice to be back?

can we all just agree that oh my goodness it's so exciting to know secrets sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry, i can't really say more but IT'S EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can we all just agree that a quick glance at google news is a good way to make sure i meet or exceed my daily requirement of OUTRAGE?

yes yes blah blah rush limbaugh isn't going to be prosecuted for the viagra incident, and ken lay managed to die without having to deal with many of the consequences of his actions...but

THE CIA DECIDED TO SHUT DOWN THE UNIT THAT SPECIFICALLY TARGETTED OSAMA BIN LADEN. yeah, that's right, the guy we were going to find dead or alive. THE DUDE IN CHARGE OF AL-QUEDA.

(sometimes, just sometimes, it seems like those guys aren't actually primarily concerned with protecting america...)

can we all just agree that it's interesting to find out that your [super-catholic] grandma has secretly been a hindu all along?

my dad: "so mom, what do you think happens when you die?"
my [super-catholic] grandma: "oh, i think you just become part of the universe."

can we all just agree that this is an interesting way to approach dietary choices?

"being a vegan is not a personality flaw.
it just makes it hard to go to restaurants."

thank you, james.

can we all just agree that it is awesome that the word "gambol" contains both the words "lamb" and "go"?

seriously, i will never forget that "gambol" means to leap about playfully, to frolic, to skip, etc. and here, for your viewing and vocabularly-enhancing pleasure, are some lambols gamboling. (it is what they do best.)

can we all just agree that it's kind of nice to know what all the fuss is about?

and for the record, can we add that it was two days ago already? thank you.

can we all just agree that this article is refreshing?

this one. [dangit, blogger, i really want to be able to put hyperlinks in my headlines! we've been over this before; i have a format to follow!] infuriating too, to be sure.

but there's something amazing about reading things like, "President Hamid Karzai called Thursday for a reassessment of the U.S.-led coalition’s strategy for fighting terrorism, saying the current approach of hunting down militants does not focus on the root causes such as money, training, and motivation."

not that karzai is the only one making such arguments...but i think it's about time that he join the chorus.

can we all just agree that this is a pretty cool story?

this. this here. (leaving aside the serious concerns about diamonds, it made me smile.)

can we all just agree that the howard jarvis taxpayers association is ridiculous?

first of all, they're "dedicated to protecting proposition 13," which was the 1978 ballot measure that has caused california schools and libraries (and, by extension, kids and families and the economy and literacy levels and quality of life) to suffer ever since. the prop 13 debate is an ugly one, but i'm prepared to defend the "prop 13 bad" side of things, yes.

ever since i started reading the arguments for and against propositions (many years before i started voting, yes yes, nerd! i know.) i noticed that those folks are always on the opposite side of issues as i am. which, yeah, pretty much makes them lame. but in the last election booklet, they really tipped their hand.

in their argument against proposition 81 (library bonds), they do the predictable thing, throwing out lots of numbers and statistics that, divorced from any sort of context, seem to clearly indicate that california politicians are out-of-control compulsive spenders ("it is never enough. did you realize that, prior to 1986, the state only owed $4 billion in bonds?" [THIS WAS BECAUSE, IN PRE-PROP 13 CALIFORNIA, WE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO DO THINGS. ] "california and its taxpayers built our entire freeway system, the entire university system, our water system, and all of our grade and high schools without borrowing a dime...in 1988, the politicians told us our libraries were in trouble, and needed more money" [BECAUSE OF THE EFFECTS OF PROP 13, GUYS!])

they goes on to complain and complain about borrowing (which i'm not necessarily arguing in favor of), but then things get interesting. or appalling. "we spent $9 billion on illegal alien [sic] welfare last year, yet the state can't find one dime in money for libraries, and has to borrow money again? something is wrong. we are going to be told how important libraries are, and how we have to borrow the money again. these politicians want our children and our grandchildren to keep paying more and more, so they can keep giving more and more of their money to illegal aliens [sic] and self-indulgent bureaucrats...instead of letting them borrow the money, we need to tell them to take the money away from the illegals [sic], and give it to us in libraries."

so there you have it. it's the fault of "illegals [sic]" that california libraries are in trouble. without getting too far into the issue of whether or not undocumented immigrants represent a net gain or loss to california's economy (it's a net gain, just like in every other state), i think it's important to stop and realize the degree to which this organization relies on the tired practice of immigrant-blaming to advance its allegedly taxpayer-friendly agenda.

but seriously, i want people to stop and think logically about the tax situation. i'll freely concede that nobody likes paying taxes. but i am unendingly frustrated by the pathologically short-sighted view that lower taxes=better.

taxes, in addition to paying for massive bureaucracies and office supplies at dmv and the governator's salary, pay for fire stations and battered women's shelters and toilet paper at public schools and children's books at libraries.

countries with higher tax rates than the united states also have things like universal health care (that means that everybody can go to the doctor when they get sick, not just the people who have health insurance and/or the capacity to pay for it out of pocket.) they have programs that allow every single kid to go to the dentist twice a year (and i can tell you from experience that the result of kids not being able to go to the dentist is horrible. tooth decay can actually be fatal.) they have libraries that are accessible and inviting to everyone.

it is a tradeoff, like every economic decision. but i am sick of the argument that lower taxes will somehow improve my life. if i made a lot of money and if i had absolutely no concern for any sort of common good or for the living conditions of my neighbors, then maybe. but since neither of those states of affairs are likely, i'm tired of people trying to convince me that paying fewer taxes will make me happier.

and i know that immigrant-bashing is totally chic right now, but that doesn't mean that i like it any better.

can we all just agree that the international code of signals for communication at sea via flag is fascinating?

so tonight i was having some serious quality time with the dictionary, and i have a rad illustrated dictionary, which often causes people to laugh at me (but i know it's just out of jealousy)...and i happened to stumble across the international code of signals in the entry for flags! here is a delightful picture, courtesy of the sheldrake yacht club*. each flag stands for a letter of the alphabet in addition to having a specific meaning. here it goes!

"A / diver down; keep clear
B / dangerous cargo
C / yes (affirmative)
D / am maneuvering with difficulty
E / altering course to starboard
F / disabled
G / want a pilot
H / pilot on board
I / altering my course to port
J / on fire; keep clear
K / desire to communicate
L / stop instantly
M / am stopped
N / no (negative)
O / man overboard
P / about to sail
Q / request pratique [which is, of course, 'clearance granted to a ship to proceed into port after compliance with health regulations or quarantine.' thanks trusty electronic dictionary friend!]
R / no meaning [i like this one. imagine the conversations that take place between young beginning sailors and crusty weathered sea captains. 'excuse me, captain, sir?' 'harumpf. what?' 'what does this flag mean?' 'ah, yes. that flag. it doesn't mean anything. except R.' {oh gosh it's so piratey i can hardly contain myself!}]
S / engines going astern
T / keep clear of me
U / you are running into danger
V / require assistance
W / require medical assistance
X / stop your intentions
Y / am dragging anchor
Z / require a tug"

i think that there is vast, untapped potential for these symbols to be used in everyday life.
like maybe posted on a person's bedroom or office door? (see especially J, K, P, T, V, W)
or perhaps in a bar? (see especially B, D, G, J, K, L, N, P, T, U, V, X, Z)
or as a t-shirt design? (see especially B, H, J, K, L, R, T, U, X)

*i don't have any sort of special relationship with the sheldrake yacht club. i just found their picture with a google images search, and i figured that since they've only had 13,223 visitors in the last ten years, it might be nice to link to them.

can we all just agree that canoeing is rad (though a little tricky to spell)?

i went canoeing this weekend with g and my dad and my uncle and it was great! (even though there were snakes. okay, a snake. and i didn't see it. and it was tiny. but i did see a giant gross skin that a snake had shed...bleh!)

but the river was beautiful, and we saw a bunch of fish, and ate delicious strawberries, and talked and laughed and sat in silence, and none of us got very sunburned, and it was good.

(but "canoeing" is a tricky word. "oei" is a strange letter combination, at least for english.)

can we all just agree that popsicles are amazing?

so today i woke up with a really persistant headache (it didn't go away, even with a lot of squash for breakfast [yum!] and drinking lots of water and a little self-facial massage) and then running lots of errands in hot summery weather didn't exactly help (86 but feels like 85? are you serious, weather.com? it feels much hotter than that, dude!)

but i just ate a lime popsicle and i feel so much better! i'm going to find my trusty mickey mouse popsicle molds soon and then i will have lots of popsicles all summer. woo!

can we all just agree that it's pretty horrifying when your eyes start growing new blood vessels where they don't belong?

seriously, it just happened to me. it's called corneal neovascularization, and it happens when you wear contacts for a long time (13 years) for great lengths of time (all day, just about every day) and your corneas (which do NOT have blood vessels in them) don't get enough oxygen (they become hypoxic).

it happens because, unlike much of the rest of the body, the cornea does not get oxygen from the bloodstream. it relies on contact with the air and with tears (which are oxygenated) to fulfill its oxygen needs.

so apparently i either need to
1. cry more (like a LOT more)
2. not wear my contact lenses NEARLY as much (impractical!)
3. switch to new contacts (that are twice as expensive)

i decided on 3 with a side of 2 (and picked out fun new glasses to make 2 more practical), so the immediate health concern is not an issue anymore...but dude! not to belabor the point, but it is pretty gross. i mean, high five to my eyes and all for finding a creative (if icky) solution to a serious problem, but A NEW BLOOD VESSEL MUTATION? come ON dudes, couldn't you have just sent me an email or something? bleh!

this concludes your ocular health bulletin for the day (but oh man, did i have to look at some NASTY photos when i was fact-checking myself. that is the degree to which i am committed to high-quality and accurate health information here at c.w.a.j.a.?)

can we all just agree that there's something funny about the words "couscous" and "tofu" when they're said by someone with an east texas accent?

can we all just agree that it's fun when people get to your bloguito by typing search terms that are confusingly poetic?

or perhaps poetically confusing...either way, i enjoyed seeing that "feet barefoot "my feet" "play frisbee"" gets you 233 results, of which c.w.a.j.a.? is number 9.

for the record, i like all of those things (feet barefoot, my feet, and play[ing] frisbee [even though playing frisbee can be dangerous; i have a new lump a few inches below the old one {which still hasn't gone away!} from playing last weekend. i'm hoping to play this weekend too, and maybe i'll get hit between the two existing lumps so that the lower half of my left shin will stop being lumpy and just be larger than before. i'll keep you posted.])

can we all just agree...

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editor's note: hooray! it's the return of the mid-month guest blogger! (you surely remember reading the first one, yes?) this one comes to us from N, who is both awesome and teeny bit mysterious...but pretty concise and reasonable. it makes me want to send him cookies in the mail. thanks, N!
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that when Tucker Carlson and Keith Olbermann think you're insane...you're probably insane?

[update: i'm having a bit of trouble with the "insane" link; you may have to scroll around a bit on the page to which it takes you, but what you're looking for is a post headlined, "Olbermann slams Coulter: Shameless." sorry about that!]
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editor's note: thanks for the observation, buddy! keep on keeping on!
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can we all just agree that exchanges like this are awesome [volume 3]?

me: so what's up?

friend: "i'm tryin to e-mail myself a picture of a lemming but it's not working"

can we all just agree that if you're going to have to have an army, a clown one is a pretty good choice?

check it out.

can we all just agree that it's kind of disconcerting when you're talking to your mom and she casually mentions that she thinks she broke her rib the

other day?

can we all just agree that gophers with rabies are freaky indeed?

i saw one yesterday, and it was hopping around and snarling. i felt bad for it.

can we all just agree that new glasses are exciting?

oh man, it's the first new pair in five years, which seemed like a good plan while vision insurance was still part of my life...but they are fun! and the case is fancy and magnetic. woo!

can we all just agree that coming home after the last day at a bad job creates a very curious feeling?

it's happened to me once before today, but i feel kind of odd. woo hoo i'm done and all, but it seems kind of anticlimactic.

can we all just agree that autofill + word verification = silly times indeed!

blogger, in a despicable act of flagrant anti-robot discrimination, has recently begun requiring word verification before i can post. (which is usually not a problem for me, since i'm not a robot [i'm really more of a pirate girl, if i have to commit] except when it uses a font that is normally unreadable [you know, one of those skinny, serif-intensive ones] and it squishes the letters really close together.)

but sometimes, when i start to type the nonsensical and often q-heavy string of letters, auto fill helpfully tries to save me some effort. and i want to tell it, "no, silly auto fill! i don't mean 'qjhyb' or 'qmnpq,' i mean 'qrnjcpf'! duh!"

also sometimes i wonder if some naughty programmer is playing a trick, like when i had to type "asefukz" this morning. gracious me!

update: i just found out today, 1/15/07, that my blog had been flagged as a spam blog, and that was the reason for the word verification requirement. and once i got over having inordinately hurt feelings about that, i clicked through the link requesting that a person review it, so hopefully soon i won't have to type in a random, nonsensical string of letters. which will be nice, because it's been a real pain to type it at least once but often twice while i go back and add labels to 217 posts. yes.

can we all just agree that agreement is pretty excellent?

it's not just me!

can we all just agree that election day is kind of exciting?

can we all just agree that it's wonderful to be loved?

can we all just agree that it is highly unadvisable to eat leftover thai food and a piece of cake immediately before going to bed at the end of an

anxiety-heavy weekend?

i promise you, incredible dreams will result, but they won't be the good kind of incredible.

you've been warned.

can we all just agree that getting in a car crash sucks?

but, i should add, that everyone walking away and no kids involved and no airbags deploying and most of all a very kind and very calm person to help you out makes things much better.

can we all just agree that "shit talker," by headphones is a fantastic song?

particularly the chorus, "and i won't hold it against you / if you don't hold it against me," which is repeated several times. i would recommend this song to a friend. i am sorry that i cannot find you a link to a free download. good luck.

can we all just agree that baby goats are the cutest ever*?

seriously! i was at this wedding reception the other day and there were baby goats there and i thought, "oh man, i should definitely try to work baby goats into any wedding reception i ever have a hand in planning!!!"

*okay, okay, okay, maybe not ever...but pretty cute nonetheless.

can we all just agree that frisbee is super fun, even if minor injuries result?

i thought so! hooray!

can we all just agree that it's no fun at all when your ear stops working?

in the little buddy's defense, i bet it wants to keep working...there's just, um, blockage there that prevents it from being able to do so. much like the eye problems that are really the fault of a rogue eyelash, the only-having-half-my-hearing thing is really starting to cramp my style.

can we all just agree that windows live mail beta sucks?

i know that it shouldn't be too surprising, and that i've brought it upon myself, but good goat! windows live mail beta sucks!

long long ago i got a hotmail address that i still like, and it's a great thing to have for those "i-don't-actually-want-to-give-you-my-email-address-but-here's-my-email-address" situations (craigslist housing boards, i'm looking at you!)

and several weeks ago i got suckered into opting in to windows live mail beta (which sucks!) by an exciting african safari sweepstakes contest (yes, yes, i do have a working knowledge of statistics and i realize that i am extraordinarily unlikely [though no more or less likely that the other users of sucky windows live mail beta] to win...but dude! what if i did? african safari! so sweet!)

the first thing i noticed was that the interface is ugly. and sometimes when i log on it makes me go through a bunch of preferences before i can get to my email (dude, i don't care what color the bar is. give me my craigslist housing email!)

the second thing is that they've gotten really intense about classifying mail. it's not just junk and not junk anymore, some mail is isolated as potentially malicious, and it's more difficult to open. (unfortunately enough, it isn't actual malicious spam that is restricted, at least for me, it's generally craigslist housing board-related email that i need. and the sketchy online pharmacies and fake product tester recruitment email somehow get through just fine.) and links and images are disabled for unknown senders. whatever, fine.

the third thing (and here's where the ridiculousness really begins): part of the african safari contest which i will not win is that they send you email every once and awhile and if you click on a button you increase your chances of winning...but somehow every time but once (yes yes, i know...but won't you feel silly if i do win?) that i've clicked, it's told me that the contest is either over or not yet open for entries. huh?

additionally, it didn't occur to them to make their contest email an allowed sender. so before i can ineffectually click on the button, i have to activate the link to allow content. dudes, you're software engineers. i have a hard-earned BA in a liberal art, but this seems embarassingly obvious to me: IF YOU ARE GOING TO ALTER YOUR VERY OWN EMAIL SYSTEM SO THAT IT GETS TOUGH ON SPAM (um, except for all the actual spam it doesn't tag! funny joke!) AND ALSO MAKE A CONTEST THAT INVOLVES SENDING PEOPLE EMAIL, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD EXCLUDE YOUR OWN EMAIL FROM THE FILTER. i mean, email has to be excludable somehow...i certainly didn't add the penis pills people to my contacts, yet their stuff gets through just fine. and it's never the kind of spam i enjoy.

and finally, for some reason, windows live mail beta sucks.0 is broken. for several days now, i've been greeted with a message explaining that some of the new features are gone* because they had some problems, so now i'm using the "classic hotmail experience" instead of the "windows live mail beta [sucks!] experience," but they're working hard to bring w.l.m.b.s. back soon!

i am not impressed.

*IMPORTANT UPDATE: apparently "some of the new features" includes such exotic options as a search function. that's cool, guys, i don't need to search through my many messages ever. thanks!

update #2: now, the sweepstakes contest email gets delivered into my junk mail folder. weird.

can we all just agree that watching roly polys mate is a sight indeed?

there's something about one part of my garden that gets the little guys all randy...sometimes there are roly poly orgies. i'm kind of fascinated, but then i start to feel like i'm invading their privacy if i watch too much.

can we all just agree that it's pretty lame when some silly lady backs into your car?

but that it's even lamer when she's MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH YOU THE ENTIRE TIME?

can we all just agree that kids say [and do] awesome things [volume 10]?

so today g and i were at a party with lots of folks (many of whom didn't know each other) and there were blank nametags and markers set out. being good citizens, we put on nametags.

a little while later, a girl who was probably 5 saw my nametag and decided that she had to have one. she marched off to get it.

toward the end of the party, we were standing and talking to her dad. she came over and handed him a nametag that said, "DAD" in 5 year old handwriting, and said, "here, dad. now everyone will know who you are."

awesome!

can we all just agree that gas prices are getting ridiculous?

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editor's note: this is the first in a series of midmonth guest bloggers! woo! please welcome my dear friend daniel.
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I mean come on people, I don't care if you're young, old, conservative, liberal, green, republican or democrat or anything inbetween and beyond, nobody WANTS to shell out $3.50+ per gallon at the pump. Granted, there maybe some people (read oil company executives) who want to see OTHER people pay an exhorbitant amount of money just to be able to take their kids to school, go to work, or take a 3 hour road trip to visit grandma; but somehow I highly doubt that even they would smile when their credit card balance is suddenly $50-80 further into the negative after filling up their car just to keep it on the road for another week.

What further astounds me is that not much longer than 5 years ago, gasoline cost almost half this much; that's right, reach far far far back into the recesses of your mind and try to imagine, the first number on the price of gas was... a number ONE, followed by a dot eighty four, or sometimes even lower in fact! Yes it's true... Hey! Yea you, how much for that bicycle? Really, you can't sell it to me huh? Hmmm, ok. Well uh, are there any bus stops around here? What?! A buck seventy five to get downtown, and another buck seventy five to get back!? The bus comes by every half hour?! Help!!
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editor's note: thank you daniel! keep being rad and internationwide, buddy! and the rest of you, stay tuned for more exciting guest blogger experiences!
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can we all just agree that having guest bloggers is an exciting idea?

stay tuned!

can we all just agree that the perils of working with children are varied and occasionally humorous?

so sometimes i stick things to myself and totally forget about them. i'll be the one who walks out of a workshop or special event with the HELLO MY NAME IS SARAH MEOW* nametag smack dab on the front of my shirt, and i'll wonder why people are looking at me funny and why that one weird dude on the bus seems to be calling my name...creepy!

anyway, today one of the kids gave me a shiny easter egg sticker. i thanked her and tried to figure out where i was going to put it (sometimes i put stickers on my clipboard, but i'm not really into seasonal stickers out of season, so i tend to stick those on my clothes because then i don't feel as bad about getting rid of them). i settled on the dot over the i on my tee shirt, where the name of the agency for which i work was written in large white letters.

fast forward 4 hours to me at the checkout of the large grocery store near my house, wondering why the cashier is looking at my shirt and at me that way. i wonder if maybe he knows someone who works there or a kid who is part of one of their programs (it's a fairly large agency and very well-loved by lots of folks; its cult following has been the basis for a lot of warm conversations between me and customer service people who were pretty terse before they found out where i work), or maybe he's trying to figure out what it means (the name is potentially misunderstandable), or maybe he just thinks it's appropriate to stare intently at my chest, then stare some more, and follow that up with a little more staring, and then to look me square in the eye and smile.

fast forward again to 2 hours later, when i happen to glance in the bathroom mirror and realize that the cashier was looking at me like that because he was really confused about why that part of my shirt was so shiny and brightly colored, and then after that, because he realized that it was just a metallic easter egg sticker. ah. yes.

*where MEOW=my actual real last name

can we all just agree that piglets are ridiculously cute?

because they are. ridiculously, ridiculously, ridiculously cute. especially in person—err, piglet.

(especially these ones.)

can we all just agree that the 100th post is kind of cool?

excuse the nerd party, but this is post 100! woo!

can we all just agree that overhearing conversations like this is awesome [volume 2]?

kid: "but i WAAAANNNNNNNNNNAAAA!!!!!!!!"

mom?/aunt?/grandma? (with amusing brooklyn accent): "but honey, [unintelligible], and picking up a chicken that has diarrhea is that last thing you wanna do."

(vol. 1)

can we all just agree that this is worth a few minutes of your time?

so you may have been hearing lately about net neutrality, which has been called "the first amendment of the internet." net neutrality is a set of laws that ensures that any internet user with any telecom service can access content online equally. (for example, if you have comcast internet, you can access a web page just as you would if you used at&t, or a local service.) it requires that internet service providers (isps) give equal treatment to websites.

isps aren't really into this idea, and lately they've been lobbying congress pretty hard to take away these provisions, which would give them a lot more control, and you a lot fewer options. and congress appears to be listening to them. it looks like net neutrality is in danger.

this means that your isp could decide to make some sites load faster than others, based on how much companies paid to ensure that their content was readily available. or, isps could choose to block content altogether, to punish a company that didn't want to pay for "premium service" or to keep customers from accessing the pages of a competitor.

in short, the internet as we know it could disappear. below are links to some folks who have organized to deal with this crucial issue. please take the time to check them out. this is a big deal.

find out where your rep stands here, and call, write, or email them to let your voice be heard! contact info can be found here.

your friends over at moveon.org have put together a handy petition for you to sign here.

wanna keep up with this issue? sign up here to be added to a contact list.

wanna learn more? read the save the internet coalition's blog here.

can we all just agree that getting a flat tire sucks?

especially if you're on your way to work?
and you can't really think of anyone to magically come fix it for you?
and you don't have aaa anymore?

but that having a very kind and efficient man fix it for you, and refuse to let you pay him, at the first gas station you pull into, can be totally incredible?

can we all just agree that if a person is going to drive a vehicle, they ought to be sure they can park it first?

can we all just agree that a google images search for meerkats is a wonderful way to get your day back on track?

try it. you'll be glad you did.

can we all just agree that the offer of a 50-character login is generous, but totally ridiculous?

so i was just creating yet another login and password for my health insurance's website, and i learned that my login name could be between 4-50 characters. seriously, dude, how many people are going to exercise the 50-character option? i mean, i am definitely in favor of personal freedom, and i believe fully that it's good to have options, and still...i wonder who would want that.

and if someone chose that, what would it be? the alphabet, twice, with w omitted (heh. heh.)? their name, if their name was sarah or some other delightfully 5-lettered name, ten times? a lot of z's? weird.

can we all just agree that it's nice to have supportive friends?

me: blah blah i am feeling challenged in my professional life and it is difficult etc etc etc
friend: "but you're pretty, and i got your back"

can we all just agree that it's amazing how one 24-hour period can make your whole life sparkle?

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 9]?

while we were sharing what our favorite vegetables are:

"ummm...i forgot. is fries vegetables?"

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 8]?*

*with special thanks to g for reminding me to remember about it again. sweet!

cute kid: "sarah? you probably already know this, because you are grownup. monkeys scratch their butts and they tickle!"

can we all just agree that 1000+ pageloads is kind of exciting, in a totally nerdy way?

um, yes. since i can't get the blocking cookie to work, ever, and since i'm kind of scared of the help forum moderator for my site tracker, some of those pageloads are definitely me.

but still, it's exciting! go, little bloguito, go!*

*yes, i know "little bloguito" is redundant. i'm over it already. if you aren't, i'd recommend going here and looking at some kitties until you calm down.

can we all just agree that "snakes on a plane" is a pretty useful expression?

although there is some contention over the actual meaning of the phrase, i think we can all agree that it clearly means, "the worst idea in the history of human ideas." because, seriously, snakes? on a plane?

here, i'll demonstrate.

sarah: "yeah, i have to meet with meow today. snakes on a plane, dude, snakes on a plane."

additionally, it can be abbreviated as s.o.a.p., if necessary, and in this way, a person and her friend can exchange covert judgements about a situation. observe:

person: so yeah, that was pretty much her idea. what do you think?
her friend (brightly): um...soap? [it should be noted that the periods in "s.o.a.p." are lost in transcription.]
person (relieved): yeah, that's what i thought too.

see, it is brilliant. the use of this expression is anti-soap, my friends.

can we all just agree that exchanges like this are awesome [volume 2]?

mom: "well, i think it's kind of amazing, the way she's got you all buffaloed, so that you--"
me: "hold on! what? buffaloed? what kind of crazy cowboy talk is that? buffaloed? is that like cowed, but more serious?"
mom (laughing): yes, i guess it is!

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 7]?

today some kids were talking about throwing up (or browing up, depending on who you asked), and one of them was talking about how she had been sick, and another one vehemantly announced, "IT'S OKAY!!! EVERY KID THROWS UP!!! THAT'S HOW LIFE IS!!!"

can we all just agree that it's confusing and kind of frustrating when your fingers get too close to your touchpad and cause the arrow of your mouse

to dart away, swoopingly, from where you want, need, and expect it to be?

particularly if the reason why you're even still awake is that you're still still still working on something for a job that is, um, somewhat uninspiring?

can we all just agree that saul williams is totally amazing?

i saw slam the other day, and it reminded me how much i like him. so i've been listening to his mix tape and to amethyst rockstar lately, and thinking about what he said when i've seen him before, and thinking about getting his books.

i would recommend saul williams to a friend.

can we all just agree that some spam is worse than others* [volume 2]?

*first of all, yes, i realize that "c.w.a.j.a.t.s.s.i.w.t.o." is not gramatically correct. indeed, it should either be the less-wieldy "some kinds of spam are worse than others" or perhaps the awkward "some spam is worse than other." but it is neither. sorry, militant grammarians. i know i'm letting the team down here, but that's just how it's going to be.

i'd like to add to my past spam appreciations the story of a message i got the other day that i happened to open because i was clicking through a bunch of mail without returning to the inbox (even though someone very wise told me not to ever open spam because sometimes the spammers can tell if you opened their message and it only encourages them). the entire text of this message was:

"embarass"

that was it. no punctuation, no strings of seemingly random letters, no insinuations about the sizes of my body parts, nothing.

it was kind of beautifully simple. understated. classy, even.

can we all just agree that some of the preset itunes genre types are less useful than others?

seriously guys, cabaret?

can we all just agree that forcing people to address parking ticket fine checks to "city of meow*, customer service" is kind of irritating?

i don't actually feel served, as a customer, when i have to pay parking tickets. they could just as easily leave off the "customer service" part and just have me send it to "city of meow." or to "evil giraffe club," or "meter maid secret hideout." or something.

*where meow=the city in which i recently got a parking ticket. sigh.

can we all just agree that snail eggs, or slug eggs, or whatever they are, are disgusting?

i was sure that the foamy white deposits on many of my plants were snail eggs, or possibly slug eggs. but after a gross couple of google image searches, i'm no longer sure. i'm tired of googling the many permutations of "foamy white deposits in garden", so at the risk of being incorrect in my identification, i would like to assert that snail eggs are disgusting.*

i've been scraping them off of plants for several weeks now (it must be snail mating season!), but tonight i ended up spending a good fifteen minutes on foamy white deposits in garden removal. and i got some of it on me by mistake. gross!

*although, i have to admit that dealing with this icky, zygotey problem has caused me to think about the sweet sweet snail luvvin' part** of microcosmos, so it's not all bad. ahh.

**oh man kids, i am so sorry i couldn't find a link to a video of this part of the movie. so sorry.

can we all just agree that exchanges like this are awesome?

dude on bike who is about to get creamed by a cabbie (very rapidly): "NO! NO! NO! NO!"
cabbie (at the top of his lungs, furiously): "SHITLICKER!!!"
dude on bike (totally calmly): "you too, hippie."

man, i love the city.

can we all just agree that, if your company has kind of erratic service, basing your tech support in canada is a good idea?

because yeah, it is a bummer when your internet just sort of doesn't work and you can't really figure out why, and you employ all the tricks in your formidable trouble-shooting arsenal (restart compy 3000, quit firefox, try silly old safari, unplug the modem and the router, turn airport off and then on again, try to use another network that isn't password protected), and you have to end up calling tech support and they're extremely polite and friendly but not very helpful...but somehow it's less awful when they have funny canadian accents and speech patterns, and they talk aboot your problem with you and say the word "adhered," which you and everyone you know always pronounced "ad-HERE-d" as "a-DEAR-d."

but even the canadians aren't enough sometimes, and i'm glad it's fixed. even though i had to get up early for it.

oh! and i have things to tell you...

can we all just agree that sunshine makes everything better?

you should see my garden.

can we all just agree that sometimes the return of one person to your greater metro area makes everything seem brighter?

because it does.

can we all just agree that the end of lent is a pretty sweet thing indeed?

on so many levels. but just a few minutes ago, primarily on the i-just-ate-a-package-of-robin's-eggs level. malt balls are awesome!

can we all just agree that this little guy is pretty much the embodiment of the expression "rock out with your cock out"?

it's the third picture down.

thanks, awww.

can we all just agree that modest mouse's "baron von bullshit rides again" is a pretty fine album?

because some of the songs are less screamy than usual, and others are more, but they're all good. especially 3rd planet, which is excellent.

can we all just agree that it feels like summer?

eleventy million consecutive days of rain abruptly ending and being replaced by 69 degrees after 6:00 pm=summertime. sweet!

can we all just agree that, after you look at it too many times, the word "skills" starts to look pretty violent?

yikes!

can we all just agree that real actual vacations are an incredibly good idea?

because after sleeping enough, and walking around in a cool town, and looking at the ocean, and eating gelato!, and having great home-cooked meals, and being in a beautiful house, and having lots of good conversation, and being introduced to lots of folks, and admiring a lovely garden, and drinking many many cups of tea, i feel much more ready to deal with the rest of life.

can we all just agree that lingering injuries are lame?

because i hurt myself five days ago, but there's still a bump! and it still hurts when i touch it!

but at least i've stopped feeling weird (at least as a likely result of the injury.) eh.

can we all just agree that sewing machines are rad?

and can we all further agree that the only thing radder than getting a sewing machine is getting a free sewing machine? with all kinds of bobbins and thread and other sewing paraphernalia? hooray hooray hooray!

can we all just agree that the following things make for a lovely birthday?

1. lots of phone calls
2. lots of text messages
3. cards
4. a funny shirt
5. magnets
6. handmade vases
7. bowling
8. 80's movies
9. people you love getting to know (and even like!) each other
10. mexican food
11. a palm sunday pagent
12. mail
13. snacks
14. family
15. good good friends
16. in-n-out burger
17. flowers (homegrown!)

thank you life.

can we all just agree that it's awesome when people remember your birthday?

even in advance.

can we all just agree that it's pretty awesome when seedlings you plant on a sunday are growing by thursday?

even without much sunlight?

AND, can we all agree further that when you're glancing over to check on your happy seedlings, if you happen to see a fireworks show going on across the ocean and you can stand in your kitchen and watch, that's pretty alright too?

can we all just agree that a free saturday (shh...don't tell the jobs!) is a beautiful thing indeed?

although i miss my usual saturday plans (who will make sure i accurately remember items for c.w.a.j.a.t.k.s.a.t.#n?!?), the bummer of missing them is almost compensated for by missing them for a decent reason that also doesn't include lots of work on my part.

i'm missing them and doing...nothing! or everything! but it's so up to me!

woo!

can we all just agree that smacking yourself in the head with a car door hard enough to create an insta-bruise and a lump really sucks?

i've been watching myself closely for the last hour or so to make sure that i'm not concussed, but oh man does it hurt.

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 6]?*+

*with special thanks to g for remembering!
+and then helping me figure out what it was the kid said!

the other day on the train, there was a kid sitting with two women, and all of the sudden he says (at the top of his lungs, since that's how they all talk) "ARE THOSE YOUR NORMAL LIPS?!?"

when we got off the train a few minutes later, i looked at the woman he was talking to, and they looked pretty normal to me...

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things [volume 5]?

today a first grader told me, "i have two good days. because i think my mommy is picking me up today, and because today i was sitting in my class and i heard [pronounced "heerd"] the rain." i love them.

¿podemos estar de acuerdo que pan dulce es una de las comidas más maravillosas de todo el mundo?

cuando termina cuaresma, voy a mi panadería favorita para la cena. me encanta pan dulce.

can we all just agree that "my humps" by black eyed peas is, quite possibly, among the worst songs ever recorded?

seriously. this is one of those songs that doesn't just make me want to change the radio station, it makes me want to turn off the radio. possibly permanently. i'm not exaggerating; i truly lose interest in listening to the radio.

all it takes is the mere mention of the song, too, to activate the evil part of the lyrics-capturing sector of my brain, the part that hates my very existence. that part, though we've heard the song in its entirety only twice, knows all the words. and wants to spite me or show off, apparently, because it launches a hostile takeover and all of the sudden, the p.a. system in my mind can broadcast nothing else.

here's the crazy part: i actually wrote a post to this effect months ago. (just now, when i was typing the headline, autofill was all over it. and my feelings about that horrendous crime against the aural universe are, of course, sufficiently strong that i am able to come close to recreating the body of the post. i know you're all relieved.) but somehow, and i'm not sure how, it vanished. after careful consideration, i am prepared to advance the hypothesis that the utter and unprecedented suckiness of "my humps" actually created some sort of black hole-like vacuum that sucked my tender post into a void of suck.* at any rate, i know this is kind of last fall, but i just have to make it totally clear: we should all be able to agree about the incredible suckiness of "my humps." and never, ever, hum, sing, whistle, play, or tap it again.

*oh dear, that didn't really sound like i meant it to.

can we all just agree that blogger should allow more characters up here in the headline? sheesh, people, i have a format to follow! for pete's sake.

can we all just agree that the only thing worse than listening to the wretched d4l song "laffy taffy" is being trapped in a room full of junior

highers who are humming it? tunelessly? and out of time with one another? it's a horrible, horrible song (not quite "my humps" horrible, but pretty close), and after two hours i was ready to pay them to stop.

AAAAAHHHHHHH!

can we all just agree that comment spam isn't fun anymore?

yes yes yes, i know that five days ago i was young and naïve and foolish, and i sort of kind of liked comment spam, but now i'm older and wiser. so quit it.

can we all just agree that pincurls are AMAZING?

photo-illustrated instructions below!

oh my stars. ever since i was a tiny kid, i've had a burning desire for the kind of curls that nature did not intend for me: those perfect thick round sausage curls most often found in public television productions of jane austen novels. once i got old enough to realize that braiding my wet hair and then waiting until it dried to take the braids out resulted in wavy hair (with weird super straight parts at the ends), not curly hair, my dear accomodating mom tried everything. we had a hand-me-down set of hot rollers, from one of the many older daughters of my mom's friends who were far more stylish than i, but because we didn't really use styling products and because my hair has a mind of its own, they didn't really do much. even when she got up early and woke me up early (a sacrifice in itself) to put them in my hair, affixing them with those weird metal clips, and then sent me back to bed (ouch!) for another hour, the results were disappointing at best. (and at worst...oh at worst. frizzy as all get out, sort of wavy-ish in places, some really crazy mixed up curly places from where i pulled the roller out horizontally, and some super straight places. sad.) we also tried sponge rollers, which were marginally more useful, but still not so great. especially since i was so excited about the curls that i wasn't very good at waiting until my hair was completely dry. then, in the sixth grade, i was finally allowed to use her curling iron (woo!) but i didn't have a very good idea of how to divide my thick hair into sections, and i didn't use the right kind of styling products, etc. not good either.

years and years later, i learned of the magic of mousse and scrunching, which is cool. especially my just-for-curls zesty smelling mousse. i like that stuff.

but PINCURLS. i tried them last night, in preparation for today's crazy hair day. i thought it would take a long time and require many many bobby pins (which, you may recall, i didn't get a chance to buy on monday because of my wacky tacky outfit), but i was wrong. it went pretty quick, even with the smaller sections i knew intuitively were key to my success. and they looked cool when they were all pinned up on my head! like beautiful silent movie star pretty. like nylons and high heels and pearls and a dress just to vacuum pretty. gorgeous. and easy. and fun.

i put a silk scarf on my head when i went to sleep to protect them, and then this morning when i took them out, i was delighted to see that they really do work! i had lovely curls that stayed all day.

so seriously, if you know of a little girl who pines for curls, buy her a card of bobby pins and get cracking. it's totally worth it.

update: or a little boy. there's enough awesome to go around, here.

update #2: if you got here by searching for "pincurls," here's my quick and dirty method (now new and improved: pincurl instructions with photos, just for you! and with a special bonus! guest hair model audra! thanks, audra! thanks also to jeff and dave who took pictures.):

here is what you will need: a lot of bobby pins. like a lot! a comb or a pencil for making parts, and some sort of mousse for added styling power. i would also suggest a brush, just in case, a silk scarf that you can put over them while you sleep, some large claw clips to hold aside the parts of your hair that you're not working on at the moment, and maybe a vase of flowers, just because they're nice to have around.


1. begin with damp hair (this is important; it's going to take a long long time to dry, and your hair drying in the pins is key to your success) and add some mousse. i have special "curl construct" mousse, which, in addition to smelling nice, really does construct curls.


2. divide your hair into small-ish sections, but be careful how you do it. i tried to use roughly square sections (if you've ever seen someone who has tiny braids with a box pattern as the part, this is what i mean) and i used about three layers (top, middle, bottom) because when you're done, your hair will stay in those sections unless you brush it out. this is also why you want to make sure that you have your hair parted exactly where you'll want it when you take the pins out.


3. carefully take the section of hair and wrap it up using your finger into a coil. be sure not to twist it! keep wrapping until you reach your scalp, then press the coil flat into your head and pin it with a bobby pin. if it doesn't fit in one pin, you could add another in an X, but i would start again with less hair. (but wait! you might say, you did bobby pin Xs with audra's hair! and yes, you are right. still, i would recommend making them small enough that Xs are not necessary. [because really, who likes an ex?])


4. once your whole head is done, you have to wait until your hair dries. if you've made the curls carefully, you probably look kind of retro glamorous. congratulations! you might want to wear it all pinned up sometime, even if you're not going for curls. if you're going to bed, wrap a scarf carefully around your entire head (i recommend using a silk one to minimize pulling) and try to sleep carefully.


5. when it's time to take the curls out, gently pull the pins out and let the curls fall on their own. if you're leaving them as they are (sausagey!), you might want to add a tiny bit of mousse by carefully scrunching the curl in your hand. if you're planning on combing or brushing it, mousse might not be a bad idea when you're done.


update #3: if you enjoyed this post, i encourage you to look around and read some of the other ones! and thanks for your comments; i always love reading what folks have to say.

update #4: i recently tried pincurls out on someone with fine, wavy hair, and in just a few hours her hair was curly and ready to go! mine definitely needs overnight to dry at minimum, but if your hair is less dense than mine, you might not have to allow 18 hours for this process.

can we all just agree that school spirit dress up weeks make school much more interesting?

in case you were wondering, i do work at an elementary school some of the time for one of my jobs. this week we're enjoying dress up days. i have fond memories of dress up days from my own elementary school days (although i never was allowed to wear my underwear over my pants for inside-out and backwards day, like i wanted to when i was in first grade. so sad.)

i have to say, though, that "wacky tacky day," is kind of weird. i don't remember there being such a day when i was in elementary school, or even high school. the thing about elementary schoolers, though, is that, on any given day, a significant percentage of them are already wearing clothes that are either wacky or tacky or both. (understandably so: some of them choose their own clothes, some of the families don't have a lot of resources or much inclination toward buying nice/tasteful clothes that are just going to be lost/outgrown/destroyed in a few months anyway, some kids are dressed and otherwise maintained by people who ensure that they non-ironically have giant rattails, etc.) i wanted to recognize students' participation in spirit week, but i didn't want to offend anyone, so i ended up not saying much about it.

my wacky tacky day outfit was so wacky and so tacky that i ended up not going to the pharmacy on the way home like i kind of needed to.

can we all just agree that snails and slugs are awful?

they're the bane of my gardening existence. the nasty little snot-based organisms love more than anything to snack on just-grown sprouts, and they also have quite the uncanny knack for knowing which plants are a little sad and discouraged anyway, and then focusing all their energy on those. and sometimes you step on them by accident. and sometimes you're barefoot. and it is awful.

i used to use this expensive-[it was imported from germany]-but-not-poisonous-to-people slug bait, but then i ran out and didn't get around to getting any more, so the other day i went to one of the many liquor stores in my neighborhood and bought a large bottle of the champagne of beers* (because it was the cheapest) because i've heard from several people that if you put a dish of beer in your garden, the snails and slugs will either drink themselves to death or dissolve themselves by accident in it, and i'd finally become comfortable with the idea of destroying them in that way. but then it kept raining and raining and raining (and raining), and my brilliant plan was foiled again and again. and then finally on saturday, i decided that i was going to put some out because it looked like it was clearing up [apparently that's how the weather works around here lately; during the week it's rainy off and on, and then during the weekend {when you want to go to the beach or at least on a hike or at the very least run around and play frisbee} it rains like it's going out of style] and the next day i went to look at the dish, to see what had happened...but it was dry. not just empty, but dry. it couldn't have all evaporated, and it didn't spill, so i think that i accidentally got someone's cat drunk. i didn't mean to do that, but i'm hoping that, if in fact the feline was inebriated, it resulted in something as cute as the first photo here. because that is some cute, my friends.

(oh, and it didn't seem to do anything to any of the snotters; they're still going after my plants with abandon. sigh.)

*which, actually, tasted alright to me when i tried some before putting it outside.

¿podemos estar de acuerdo que un@s amig@s buen@s son las cosas más maravillosas en el mundo?

creía que sí. y gracias a d.d.

¿podemos estar de acuerdo de que es muy importante practicar los idiomas que uno esta tratando de aprender?

es cierto. y por eso, a veces los voy a tener que exponer a mi español. está bastante bueno, pero todavía necesita un poco de ayuda. y practica.

can we all just agree that gas water* is freaking amazing?

it's all the exciting bubbliness and delightful flavor (or not) of soda, but without the nasty, tooth-eating pounds of refined sugar. and i just went to the grocery store where it is really cheap. woo!

*you may call it sparkling water. this is because you are wrong, but we can still be friends. probably.

can we all just agree that shoes beginning to fit is really exciting?

so yes yes yes, shoes should either fit reasonably well or not be purchased. i'm totally on board with this. but when a person buys reasonably well-fitting and super cute shoes, and then they turn out to be lemons and to make a person's little feet sad sad sad (with freaky purple stripes! yikes!) but a person's mom and a person's dear dear friend and shopping ally for life also bought the same shoes, and they both swear that they only get more comfortable, and another person who owns the same shoes independently confirms this, then waiting it out seems like an alright idea.

so today i wore them crafty shopping and grocery shopping, and i brought a pair of flip flops just in case, but i didn't have to use them! and my feet only felt a little funny and the stripes are only reddish. hooray!

can we all just agree that sometimes, just sometimes, comment spam can improve a person's day*?

i know that it's kind of obnoxious in general, but now that i got my first comment spam, i feel like can we all just agree is growing up. it's kind of like a zit; gross and a bummer, but a sign of something bigger...something more exciting...possibly the beginning of a new phase of life?

*a day which is already looking up, dramatically

can we all just agree that working with junior highers subjects a person to some truly gross questions?

i'd say more, but i don't want to think about it. ugh.

can we all just agree that really odd coincidences seem far more interesting late at night than they would otherwise?

because i was just looking at and deleting very very old email, and i was reading a media matters message from september 23 while listening to my current favorites playlist. and i was enjoying "i'm wrong about everything" by john wesley harding and thinking about how much i like the movie, the book, and the soundtrack for high fidelity, and then, all of the sudden, there was a section about bill o'reilly and his mendacity and blatant, insistent, willful...ahem...misrepresentations, and it concluded with several of the lines from the song. that i was listening to right then! woo!

it's so time for bed.

can we all just agree that i need to go back to school soon?

i was just working on a lesson plan for first graders, and i very nearly wrote [and invented, possibly] the phrase "imaginational horizons." my social science-y genius for making up words and phrases is not being used to its full potential in any of my current employment situations. sigh. this can't go on forever.

can we all just agree that menu planning for twenty people is harder than it seems?

i've been working on a two week menu (including snacks!) for quite awhile now, and i'm still kind of stumped when it comes to lunches. i keep wanting to have sandwiches for lunch every day, but i feel like i need to come up with something else. eh.

can we all just agree that high heels are ridiculous?

but, that in certain situations, it's worth the discomfort and impracticality and tiny chance that you will break your sweet ankle to be a little taller and stand up a lot straighter and walk a lot less shufflier and look gorgeous?

so gorgeous, in fact, that a tiny man on the train grabs your ass?

can we all just agree that "jesus the mexican boy" by iron & wine is hauntingly beautiful?

the other day i was listening to it and thinking about how beautiful it is and then i got a little teary. but it wasn't one of those situations where i was upset about something else and the song just set me off, it was just me feeling emotional about the song. ah.

can we all just agree that listening to yann tierson's score for amelie makes everything more whimsical?

although i have yet to develop talking paintings or a pig-shaped bedside lamp that shakes its head sadly and grunts before turning the light off for me, i have been feeling the whimsy.

can we all just agree that some kinds of bird poop are worse than others?

naturally, the kind that is on you (particularly the face/neck/hair region of you*), but also the kind that is sticky, dark colored, quick drying, and that makes you itch like crazy after you wipe it off.

today was kind of a bummer in spots (not all over, though), but that took the cake. or the poop, as it were.

*and by you, i of course mean me

can we all just agree that the gin blossoms make excellent music by which to de-frusgruntulate?

"found out about you"? "hey jealousy"? and all of the sudden i'm in junior high again. angst, so much angst, incredible amounts community theatre [definitely a contributor to the angst] but really sweet vans.

can we all just agree that "frusgruntulated" is a totally fantastic word?

because it encapsulates perfectly "frustrated" and "disgruntled," but that extra u brings a fantastic synergistic benefit, which has never been and will likely never be explained by science (besides, they need to get cracking on teleportation technology, anyway. stay away from frustgruntulated, science! make me a teleporter, stat!)

additionally, frusgruntulated encapsulates perfectly the way i was feeling for most of the evening. eh.

oh also, it reminds me of the southern princess. sigh.

can we all just agree that sometimes one conversation is all it takes

to make your life seem 1000% better?

can we all just agree that microwaveable frozen bean and cheese burritos are sometimes the best food on earth?

i hoped so.

can we all just agree that 133 is a respectable bowling score?

it was my highest ever. woo!

can we all just agree that being alive is amazing?

tonight as i was climbing up the stairs to my house after too many hours of work at too many jobs, i noticed that the sky seemed much darker than usual, and the stars much brighter, and the moon was almost too bright to look at. and then I was amazed, because through the swirly clouds [think van gough's starry night], i suddenly saw airplanes flying way too close to each other, in formation, looking strangely like Orion's belt [which is one of the only constellations I can identify, even after a semester of astro 10] and then I saw a bunch of other planes flying too. and the sky was filled with lights, moving really fast and way too close to each other. and then, in an instant, i realized that it was actually the swirly clouds moving as fast as I've ever seen clouds move, and making the stars look like they were flying by comparison. and then I was extra-glad to be alive.

can we all just agree that merging shouldn't be so complex?

seriously, people. if you can count to two, you can merge safely, politely, and competently. here, i'll even draw you a diagram.

one--->
<---two
one--->
<---two
one--->
<---two
one--->
<---two
one--->
<---two

that's how it should look. you can print this out and laminate it and tape it to your dashboard, if you think you might need to.

or you can print it and laminate and tape it to someone else's dashboard. i don't mind.

can we all just agree that unlikely food combinations can be really incredible sometimes, particularly if cheese is involved?

because today my friend and i made these fantastic little discs of joy by splitting mini pita breads and filling them with fresh pesto, some delightfully firm holland gouda (not smoked, but firm and dry and perfect) and chunks of queso fresco and fried them in a little olive oil. and they were so incredibly delicious that i drooled a little while i ate them. especially when i bit into chunks of hot queso fresco; it's a really good idea.

can we all just agree that being sick makes me say amusingly folksy things?

because in the last thirty-six hours, i've said each of the following things, at least once, but in some cases more than once:

1. "sure as shootin'"
2. "for pity's sake"
3. "oh for the love of pete!"
4. "you hit the nail on the head"
5. "that's right on the money"
6. "[fill in name here] has a bee in her bonnet"

can we all just agree that, although were are at least seventeen things about today that were kind of crummy, the following things from today are good

phone conversations with four of my most favorite people ever (in one day!), a friend meeting kids i love, somebody very special in the veryrecent past and also in the not-so-distant future!, impending fridays, doritos (darn it they're good), encouraging email, funny requests (two inch white heels? i've got 'em in piles! right.), laughing cow cheese and spicy flaxseed chips, bagels with cream cheese, going to bed

can we all just agree that 12+ hours is too many when the day also includes the following*+

1. the kind of presentation that involved people reading powerpoint slides to you when you already have a copy of the slides in front of you in a darkened room early in the morning
2. weird passive-aggressive pressure intended to spur public personal disclosures in a work environment
3. a gross cold, first grade style
4. a crazy "therapist"
5. 22 kids and a guest speaker, but not necessarily enough paper for a writing assignment
6. 14 kids afterward for a few hours, alone
7. presentations that had to be a product of the department of redundancy department
8. um, challenging families
9. school picture-style photo sittings, with an audience
10. not one but two trips to the pharmacy
11. a scratchy scratchy voice
12. disdainful treatment after declining to receive special offers and notifications via email (haven't they heard? i only accept spammy crap under certain circumstances)
13. bad drivers
14. sick kids who are also really sad about it
15. being late. twice.
16. time slowing down so that i couldn't go home, but now speeding up so that i've been home for hours and i still haven't accomplished any of the things i intended (#1 on the list being going to bed, for pete's sake)
17. the cold

*this list is not necessarily exclusive
+or chronologically ordered

can we all just agree that kids still say awesome things?

yes yes, this (and the links contained within)

but also today, when we were talking about careers, and the following exchange took place:

grownup: so, can anyone think of a career they might like to have? a job you would want when you're a grownup?

kid: a doctor.

grownup: great! you would be an excellent doctor. how about you?

other kid: a princess.

can we all just agree that there's nothing quite like an ice cream sandwich?

especially if it contains high-quality ice cream, and if it's cold enough outside to eat it slowly without it melting all over? hooray.

can we all just agree that voice-activated automated telephone systems suck?

i dislike pretty much everything about them.* the contrived "real"-sounding speech patterns, sometimes complete with faux stutters ("h-hang on. i'm looking that up." "ah, okay." "now, what is it you'd like to do?"), the fact that it often can't understand me (seriously, i don't really have much of an accent), and especially the way that i'm repeatedly asked, "are you there? i can't hear you. could you repeat that?" until i'm holding my phone directly to my mouth and SHOUTING MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND CREDIT CARD NUMBER, AUTHORIZATION CODE, AND EXPIRATION DATE AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. ahem.

*the only thing i like is that if you've called that number before, you can sometimes remember what prompt to say in order to talk to a real live human. but sometimes if you say it too soon, it bounces you back to the beginning of the message. curses!

can we all just agree that "drowned", by the band halloween, alaska is about the best song ever if your goal is to love every moment of every day?

which mine seems to be, more and more these days.

can we all just agree that "spoony" is an awesome word?

it means "enamored in a silly or sentimental way," and it's my current favorite word.

can we all just agree that hanging out with kids provides some amusing ego checks?

like the other day, when i was out at recess being the yard duty for the playground (i have to put people on the bench sometimes. sometimes they cry. it's tough, but that's the way the cookie crumbles...it's just not safe to climb up the slide, you know?) and all of the sudden, out of the blue, five or six kids are dashing toward me, and then they all collide with me and each other and everyone wraps their skinny little arms around my waist (they are pretty darn short), and then they look up at me and giggle.

and i think, "wow! they're awesome! how did they know that today is a day when i could really use some seven year old hugs?"

and then i realized, "ah. they're playing tag, and i'm base. nevermind."

can we all just agree that mayonaise is disgusting?

i've had a long love/hate relationship with mayonaise, and for the last couple of years i've been eating the amusingly named nayonaise (like mayo, but less gross because there's no actual egg involved), but tonight i was at the chain grocery store near my house, which does not carry fake mayonaise, and i was contemplating the mayonaise section, trying to decide whether i thought mayonaise is too gross to buy, even though i usually like it within the greater context of a sandwich, and then i saw, among the salad spreads and light mayonaise and flavored mayonaise and mayonaise in squeezeable packages...mayonaise in a container which was the same size and shape and even color of a giant tub of vaseline. UGH.

then i had to leave the aisle.

can we all just agree, reluctantly if necessary, that sudoku is a really addictive game?

because my cranky refusal to try the game just didn't seem like the right response a few weeks ago, when someone who was trying to make me feel better offered me the puzzle from the newspaper...so i did it once. and then again.

and then last weekend, several more times.

and i just now got my best time ever.

and now i want to try to beat it.

sigh.

update: i totally beat it! i came close to halving it, which either means that i'm really getting good, or that i was really awful to begin with, and i'm approaching mediocrity. either way, i'm pretty happy.

update #2: i just ranked in the top 8% for my time on that puzzle. woo!

update #3: now i'm in the top 3%. sheesh.

update #4: top 2%! i'm unilaterally awarding myself the "biggest nerd of today" award, which is kind of reckless when you consider that it's not even 1:00 pm yet.

can we all just agree that kids say awesome things?

because they say things like this, and this, and because today, a second grader with whom i was playing catch started laughing hysterically (and holding her belly while doing so) and she said, "SARAH! YOU RUN LIKE A HORSE!"

the end.

can we all just agree that there is at least one other bright side to spam, at least for gmail users?

(yes, yes, we've already begun to discuss this)

because, yes, spam is obnoxious. but in a gmail spam folder, in addition to the ever-compelling offers for looong.er t_ools and ciialiss, one can enjoy the text-based ad, which is always a link to a recipe using the actual "food" product spam. like the ginger spam salad (serves 1 [i wonder why?], refrigerate overnight), or spam fajitas (serves 8, add extra salsa if desired), or french fry spam casserole (bake 30-40 minutes), or savory spam crescents (bake 12-15 minutes or until golden brown)...and one can reload over and over for new spammy delights.

can we further agree that talking or even thinking about spam very much has two distinct effects on most normal people:
a) one gets a bit of a tummyache
b) one begins to think of the monty python sketch about spam, the one that includes vikings marching around, singing, "spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam!"

update: the recipe i saw this morning was for spam breakfast burritos!
would you rather eat spam breakfast burritos, or ginger spam salad? discuss.

can we all just agree that it is a little unsettling to see construction guys with tiny, handheld signs standing by the gates of a railroad crossing?

because, although i realize that a certain amount of human error is involved even with the normal gates-lower-lights-flash-bells-clang method of warning drivers that a train is approaching, it just seems safer and more authoritative than two guys standing beside the crossing, holding those little slow/stop signs and smoking cigarettes or gazing off into space or abandoning their position to go stand by the other guy and chat.

update: or, you know, talking on their mobile telephones or listening to their ipods or just plain turned around facing the other way. PROTECT ME FROM TRAINS, PEOPLE!

it's been like this for days. sheesh.

can we all just agree that the "life timer" on my mobile telephone is an excellent idea?

because today, on the one year anniversary of my obtaining a mobile telephone of my own, i can do a little bit of math and figure out that during the ~48 weeks of the past year in which i was within reception range, i talked on the telephone an average of 8.63 hours per week. wow.

can we all just agree that the itunes option to share playlists with folks in your geographical area is awesome?

because if you are in a crowded, itunes-using laptop owner-intensive area like a university cafe or library, it can help you get through thesis-induced dark nights of the soul by allowing you to take study breaks with hilariously trashy music, like baby bash's "sugar," or the catchy catchy song that you heard on the radio but don't own yet, like "rebellion (lies)" by the arcade fire.

and if you happen to live in my neighborhood, from time to time you are treated to confusing but funny situations like the one that happened to me tonight when i found that there was a playlist labelled "meow meow's music," where meow=a common and not amusing male name, and meow=a last name befitting a saturday night live character. meow meow's playlist contained only a few songs, all of them by guns n roses, except the ones that were guns n roses collaborating with other artists. like tom petty's free fallin', sung by tom petty himself and sounding pretty much like a live version of free fallin', except for the axl rose wailing on the chorus and starting things off with "FREE FALLIN'!" oh and also, one of the guns n roses collaborations was with elton john. this is overwhelming; i need a waffle.